Top???
Bottom???
Author: eyydude ( on ao3)
-
It all happens in a flash, Killua watches as his older brother crumples like a stringless puppet and the wave of emotions that hit him are like a thousand knives cutting him at once.
He stares for a moment, frozen in place, mind blank and body paralyzed.
He should be dead, not Illumi, but his stupid big brother with his stupid speed and his stupid love or obsession or whatever it is he feels - felt - whatever he felt...
Killua whimpers.
There's one step.
Another.
One more.
He's running and falling to his knees next to the dead body of the man that raised him and Killua isn't sure what to do.
As he sits there all he can think about is his older brother and how a broken little part of him wishes Illumi would stand, laugh at Killua with song-like voice and stare at him with those big, blank eyes. He wants his brother to mock his desire to get away from their family and shove another of those terrible needles in his brain because even that would be better than this, this strange emptiness.
Killua reaches out with shaky hands and grabs Illumi's limp hand. He pulls on it, maybe he's just pretending, maybe whatever terrible training he's endured taught Illumi how to raise himself from the dead, maybe just maybe, thinks the part of Killua that is still just a child that looks up at his older brother like he'd hung the moon in the sky...
He takes the limp hand, places it on top of his head of fluffy, white hair, the hair he both hates and loves for so many reasons. The hair that marks him every day of his life...The hair Illumi used to ruffle and kiss when Killua was just a baby.
He holds it there on top of his head.
Killua weeps.
Ten years ago, Zoldyck estate
Killua has his little nose smushed against the window, he climbed all the way up on a cupboard, knock over one of his mother's ugly vases and he did it all by himself.
The little boy wonders if his big brother will be proud of him, his mother and all the butlers always praise him, but it always feels strange to Killua. He always has this feeling they're not really talking to him, mother cradles his head and combs his hair and he can almost swear she's looking more at his hair than at him.
Every time the older butlers talk to him there's a slip of the tongue where someone nearly calls him Master Silva. They think Killua hasn't noticed, but he did, his big brother taught him how to always listen, taught him that every little detail matters and that in every stutter, laugh and gesture of a person there's a story.
Killua isn't very good at reading those stories, he's not patient enough, case in point. He's still waiting anxiously by the window, his little nose pressed against it so hard and his breath fogging up the glass - mother would be so angry- Illumi should be back home soon.
He tries to recall how long Illumi has been away, but he's never been good with numbers or with paying attention, but he knows it's been a long time. He even grew a little bit! Killua is very excited to show his big brother that he's a slightly bigger boy now.
It's been the first time since Killua was born that Illumi was sent away for a long period of time to complete a mission and unlike the rest of the inhabitants of Kukuroo mountain that are used to Illumi's scattered, ghostly presence, Killua is used to frequent visits from him brother. Where the staff and their parents are used to brief talks and long periods of time where they don't catch sight of the assassin, Killua is used to stories and training, he's used to little secret treats and shared smiles.
YOU ARE READING
𝖍𝖝𝖍 𝖔𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖙𝖘
RomanceSome hxh oneshots because we all know. Everyone in this show is way too hot. This will also have ships so if you don't like that just skip those chapters. I give credit to all authors. I have only written a oneshot when i have said so. Enjoy this be...