I feel stressed out
But I'm cooling down
In the hours I have
To do all the things
I never have
And the things
I never get to
I just want to
Make it up to
Future me
When the things she sees
Aren't the things I wanted to be
When she looks in the mirror
I'm trying to see things clear
And be more transparent
I want to make it Apparent
When I am not okay
But I can't just stay in bed
I'm tired now
Of Drowning out the sound
Of my aching muscles
I'm sorry future me
For the breaking back
So much fast food
Sorry future me
For the heart attack
So much therapy
To try to fix me
Sorry future me
If it takes a while
To come back
So many rules I've made myself follow
So many things
I said I would do tomorrow
So many times
I hated myself
For being human
So many times
I'm redoing
The same problem
Hoping for the answer
To just come to me
But it's hard to see
The solution
To a problem I'm creating
And it's hard to fill plot holes
In a story I'm writing
I just want to live somewhere else
I just want to be myself
I just want to make enough money
But not too much
I just want to be enough
Without being too much
I just want to perfectly balance
But this point is steep
I need to wait
Till life shaves it down
But please god don't let me fall down
Not again
The mountain is too hard to climb
I just want to unwind
Feel the breeze on my skin
Not the raging wind flooding in
A gentle stream
Not a raging river
A problem solver
Not giver
And a big wisher
That can actually make them come true
I'm through
Constantly balancing
I'm trying
Something new
Again
Who the hell knows what could happen
But I'm sick of my back and arms and legs
Being so sore
I'm sick of all the closed doors
I'm sick of the fake smiles
I'm sick of my job
I'm sick of faking it
I want more
I need more
And I'm taking it
