I don't want to do this anymore
I don't want it to be like this anymore
This burning sensation
This castration
Of possibility
This
This
Fucked up family
Of an army
That never drew a straight line in the sand
The one man band
Playing the sound of stress
Humility
Harmony
Harm
Agony
Tragedy
And the cry that comes with it
The screaming pounding cry
That tears out your insides
And leaves you free
I want to help
I want to help so fucking badly
But I also
Want to be me
I also want to feel the sun on my fucking face
And breathe
I want to help people
And I want to help me
And I don't see
How that is so fucking impossible
I am unstoppable
A force of nature
That wrecks walls
And bawls
And
And
Cries
I-I am nothing
Floating by on the breeze
I am the stupid piece of fabric
Between your knees
And the paint on the floor
I am something so inherently outside
That is so unforgivably indoors
But I miss the doors
The good ones
The solid doors
That may have a hard time closing
But they are solid
They are dependable
They are fucking cheap
But you have slammed them more times that you can count
And they always open
Right when you need them
The bad ones swing
Back and forth
And you yell
"Door!"
Every time you walk through
The stress
The mess
The fact that you have to yell
Or you fuck up everyone and yourself
And you can't even help
Because it's your fucking mess
It's your fucking fault
But you can still use them
The swinging doors are new
And shiny
And
And they suck
And
They are not enough more me
Sometimes I get the impression
That I am not enough
And then the amazing people in my life
Shut me up
And remind me
Just how incredible I can be
And that that version of me
Just is me
And I can not only be proud
But I can revel
In me
In all that I can do
And that all that I have earned
Is for me
And the people I choose to share it with
And that it is not selfish
To live
And to love
And to be loved
And that if something is not fucking enough
I deserve better
Risk after rust
Risk until dusk
And eventually
You will find it
It gets better
It does
...
It does.
