Promises
That I cannot keep
Tears
That I cannot weep
I am alone here
I am in the zone here
I am dead here
I fear
Here
And I go near here
Every time I feel like I can't do it
Like I can't
Do
Anything
That I screw
Everything
And depending on my mood
The weather can change
And I can send a typhoon
Or a hurricane
With windy blades
That cut through you
A wildfire that fills you
With rage
Or passion
As you can imagine
My earthquakes shudder
To the very core
And you are left to endure
How dare I
Feel
When I feelings hurt you
I don't want to do that anymore
But I have to feel
I can't go numb
Again
Trust me,
It's somehow worse
It's a curse to feel like this
But I am not the victim here
In some stories I am probably the villain
Or just an awful storm that blew through
I hate that about me
Don't you?
I don't make promises I can't keep
And I don't cry tears
If I can't weep
Which means I don't really cry
Unless I am in a safe place
A padded cell
Where my tears
Can't drown
But they drown out the sound
Of anything around
And I am alone here
Again
I just need a friend
But why would I punish them like this?
I am inevitable
And I hate that
I hate being the ex
My exs tell stories about
I hate being the one who can't hear the sound
Because my winds are blowing too loud
I hate being a cautionary tale
I hate being vail
Pulled over my own eyes
Of the lies I don't myself to survive
God
Sometimes I hate being alive
But I can't stop
I don't know why
But I can't stop
Human condition I guess
I feel like a pest
Not even storm
Just an annoyance
Just shitty enough to barely be noticed
At all
I am the spider on the wall or your shower
I am the ant in your basket
I am the blood your hatchet
A stain on your jacket
The "oh they almost had it!"
The stub in your toe
The sniff in your nose
I am when it is just a little too Cold
Can't wear a coat
But no hoodie is enough
I am someone calling your bluff
Hell I am a bluff
And I am on my own In that
Here is the thing
I am not actually alone
Not like I used to be
But I have to leave well enough alone
Or it kills more that just me
Don't you see?
I have to be
Here
To save you
From me
And the ick I bring
And the flat notes I sing
And the yapping that won't stop
And pitchers when they drop
And it's not my fault
But it also is?
I don't what should give here
What thing I should clean
Me
or the rock
Or the hard place
Or the space in between
