Thoughts buzz in my head
Like tv static sometimes
Rhymes
Become the way I understand
Become the way I vomit
I promised
That I was a good little girl
Soft in a hard world
But for just a bit harder each day
Sometimes
I want to say
Fuck
Sometimes
I want to
give
Up
Sometimes
I
Am
Not
Enough
And it's freeing to say
To show my humanity in one day
By stating all my mistakes
I know what it takes
To be beautiful
But I don't try
Because I got lucky
And don't need to try
I neglect my looks
I say I am an open book
This is a lie
My book is open
But do not pry
Too close
There are pages stuck together
For the cloudy weather
When I need to read them
Again
And again
Remind me of who I am
Then stick gum between the pages
To save them
From your eyes
From mine
So I don't read them again
I'm tired
To begin tomorrow
The will I borrowed
Has now come due
I wanted so much more out of you
I tell myself
My mental health
Is flickering
Like a light that wants to go out
But you are broke
And cannot afford a new lightbulb right now
So you only use it at night
So you can find
Your clothes
Live in darkness the rest of the time
This is my mind
Crumbs of hope
Strewn about
So, when the lights are out,
I can find them
Every once and a while
And I can smile
In a way that I forgot
I'm not a cynic
Although I wanted to be at one point
I love little things
Music boxes
That crooked frame that was hand made
Tiny things
You give to kids
That they guess are magical
At least
I did
But what do I know
When I was a kid
I played with my shoes on long car trips
I really did that
Rabbits out of hats
a scooby doo movie
Was just enough to please me
For a 8 hour car ride
I was fine
Those crumbs were all I knew
So they grew
They were huge to me
To see
A world inside a spec
Because sometimes
A spec is all you have
Now I get excited by a frog ear cuff
And a music box
Sometimes that's enough
To keep me going
Keep me knowing
That I need some growing
For I am a child
But I think that's alright
