There is a part of me that I don't know
They have always been there
Yet
I have never introduced myself
I think I was told a long time ago
That the way they behaved
Was
Wrong
So I turned away
I
Changed
I grew past them
And I never knew them
I was told that some things were better kept in
Locked chests
Inside your chest
That my best
Was never enough
And that I was always too much to bear
I only had room for perfection
And in this invention of my reality
... they didn't fit
So here they sit in the corner
Playing with blocks
Still so young
Still so lost
I am safe now
Perfection is no longer an issue
I am no longer trying to rewrite my code
And I want to get to know
This part of me
And I plan to
I think was told that good children where quiet
And they were loud
That good kids don't fidget
And don't slouch
And that ouch!
Is not something to be yelled
So I kept my pain to myself
Good kids only write about what the teacher told them to
Good kids read at the level the tests say they can read at
Good kids only achieve at what you want them to
Good kids are good at normal things
Like math
And basketball
And swimming
And singing
And swinging
Normal children do not play alone at recess every day
Normal children do not hide in tire swings
When the bell rings to come inside
Just to smell the rubber a little longer
Just to hear the silence of an empty playground
Just to be the only one around
Normal children do not share things that are unrelated and useless
No, Normal children write mean notes on those useless scraps and give them back
Just be expelled from recess when mom overreacts to the bitter words
Oh
Sorry
Is that much too obscure?
That could never happen...
To a normal kid
Normal kids do not know as much about cartoons as they do about the moon
Normal kids don't tune a guitar by ear
But I guess that's actually kind of cool
Normal kids only know how to be themselves outside of school
Maybe being the not-so-normal kid
Kinda ruled
But I still shoved them in a locker
And swallowed the key
Eventually
I guess it became to taxing
To just be me
Now I'm told I might be masking
And gaining insecurity
That I have been pretending so long
I psyched myself out
I
I don't like noises that are loud
I
Have to drown out the sound to think
I
I blink a lot, almost obsessively sometimes
I
I need to blink the right way
I
Have too many words to say about the things I like. Like, this one time I watched a whole season of friends in a day. It was crazy. I think it was during covid though so I guess that's not as impressive, but what is impressive is my toffee recipe. It's just one part butter to one part sugar and you cook it on the stove on medium heat till it looks and smells... oh. They left.
I
Have a lot of depth
I write poetry
I hate bright lights
I find it hard to see
And get a head ache
I
Can't add without using my fingers
I
Used to go to special classes for my times tables
I was always 3 grades below my level in reading
And I am finally seeing
For the first time
And maybe all these things
Weren't.. bad things
That
They could just be
A disability
Not an excuse
To not put in the work
But a way to fill the gaps
I have had to fight my whole life
A way to be alright
The way I am
A way to know them
The kid in the corner
Arranging their blocks by height and color
A way to show them
That they can be more
They can do more
They just...
Do it differently
"Some people are built different. We don't need to understand it, we just need to respect it." (Princess bubblegum, adventure time)
