I guess I've lost my mind
I guess I tried to find
Too much down the rabbit hole
It's not tactical
To love like this
But here it is
Here I am
Caught up in the spam
Of the emails that keep sending
And the days that are never ending
And the loops that keep on happening
My spirit
My soul
Is dampening
I'm trying
I'm lying down
When I'm tired
I'm creating
When I feel inspired
Which is not much lately
I try to see my family
Leave with some regret
What's next?
My boyfriend having surgery!
You're kidding
It's ok
I'm still grinning
Look, we got this kitten!
She so damn cute
And shit
She has an infection
And my inner voice is all but mute
From trying to yell to my brain
"It's not all ok!"
I want it to be
God I just want to be ok
I want to be able to say
I am ok
Without a quiver in my lips
And shaking in my fingertips
And swaying in my hips
As my eyes look straight down
And I drown out the sound
So I don't have to know you're there
So I don't have to tell a lie
I'm not fine
But who is
Maybe if rather be fine that this
Or maybe fine is boring
I can't tell which I'm ignoring
I'm going
I have the brakes in my hand
And I'm going
I'm standing
Until I need to sit
I'm pretty
Till I need to pop a zit
Still pretty
But now with red shit
All over my face
It's alright
Just sleep through the night
Without a cat on your face
"Sweetheart, I love you. And I love that you want to cuddle me, I really do. But not at 6 am."
Or you boyfriend in a brace
(Ok, A sling. But there wasn't a rhyme my brain could think)
I wanted to sing
But now I'm doing this
Maybe I am loosing it
Or I'm more sane than I'll ever know
But I don't know
Guess I'll just go
Try to grow
Who knows
Not me
Let's see
What the cards stack
Let's see if I can walk
And not turn back
And see
Didn't work too well for Orpheus
Or eurydice
Might for me
Might not
It's a gamble
It's supposed to be
Isn't it?
But aren't all those games staked against you?
If the house always wins,
Then I always loose
So who the hell am I to chose
I'd rather not
I got a start
To a new song
Somewhere in here
Right?
Why fight it all
I should sleep
And keep more to myself
Maybe id talk less
No no that's self hatred
My therapist said not to do that
My boyfriend says not to do that
My girlfriend says not to do that
I should go
Before I dig a rut
And when it comes to knowing
I'll do anything but
