I restart
My heart
Every morning
With a wind up knob
Hoping and praying
That it won't turn off
Before the day is through
Gears and cogs
clogging my arteries
With steam
Machines that keep me alive
But after 5, 10 minutes
I need to wind again
Or I stop
I need to oil
Or I drop
And I can not longer have the things I crave
I am a slave to my body
I suppose everyone is, really
But others have buttons
And gasoline engines
Others have batteries
And carbon fiber lining
Others polish their metal
Or leave it to rust
And I just
Turn the knob
Or I stop
I am trying to oil
I am trying to maintain
But sugar used to fuel me
And now I feel insane
When the thing that lit my fire
Now sends it out if control
I know
I know
Sugar is bad for you
So is caffeine
But it shouldn't require me to stop
So my cogs don't break
So for my hearts sake
I can breathe
It shouldn't get this close to killing me
Ok not really
That's dramatic
But I'm tired of this
I should not need to panic
When I stand up too fast
I should not need to accept
That I will always be last
In any race
I should not need to pace myself
To go about my day
And keep winding the knob
Every hour
On the hour
Or
I
Just
Stop
It's out of my control
I know things that help
Cutting sugar help keeps my cogs tidy
Cutting caffeine keeps them healthy and shiny
Eating potassium keeps them turning properly
And sleep
Sleep keeps the whole thing together
It tightens my bolts and lengthens my rope
And I have to turn the knob
A little less
And I run out of steam
A little less quick
But I still have to be careful
And I'm trying
I'm just going to have to get used to winding
