I am trying to address my feelings
I am trying to let it all out
But I don't want to explode
My anxiety is a wedge
Between the ledge of my creation
And my destruction
is it there? And why should I care?
And how is it fair
That I have to to deal
With the backlash
The aftermath
Of all the bullshit
And she gets to micro dose on shrooms
And says it all just goes away
That fine
In fact that's great
Glad the drugs are helping mom
Just wish you would hear me
Or understand
That
There
Is
More
To
It
Than
That
And I'm still left in the wake
Of the mistakes
And the trial and error
You got to take
All the fucking smiles I had to fake
Never be late
Don't be too early
Always dress nice
But don't be too girly
All so you could be comfortable
I am so glad you got there mom
I just wish it wasn't at my expense
I just wish I wasn't the recompense
You had to pay
For paradise
I'll be alright
For now
Until I let it all out
And I am an adult now
Meaning
I can decide for myself
What is good for my health
But why is it now
That I have to deal with the consequences
I've always had to deal
With the consequences
And with all the extent of my words
I wish I could tell you that
It wasn't fair
I was a child
It wasst right
I should have been able
To be wild
Like every other kid there is
Not have to sit
Upright
Make sure my shirt
Is tucked in tight
Make sure my hair
Was done just right
Never sleep at night
For the fright
That I breathe to loud
But don't hold it
You may let out a sound
You may be put underground
With that kind of talk
With that kind of walk
With that kind of individuality
How dare you
Be you
Oh but I am just so proud of you
For being you
(The you I wanted)
(The you I orchestrated)
(Really I'm proud of me
For making you
Into
You)
How could I be anything else
Now you get to actually be yourself
I had to crawl back
From my own personal hell
In years of therapy
To find me
To pry me back out
And you did it with mushrooms
Cool
Good for you
Maybe try therapy
It's been working for me
I still have anxiety
But now I know how to write it out
Like what I am doing now
Using a book
On a website
As free therapy
I guess we will see if anyone reads this one
I need to write for real
About external validity
And psychology
And not about the downfall
And uprise
Of me
