I've yelled at you
So many times
My voice is raw
Just at the thought
My teeth decay and rot
At the sight
Of someone who looks like you
I'm trying to tear through
This thing in my chest
That just will not rest
When my boyfriend tries to kiss me
And all I can hear is
"You miss me."
I freeze
Knees buckling
Head shaking
Earth quaking
Heart... breaking
"You know you do"
"You must sweet pea,
I. Own. You."
I can't move
The room
Spins
Yet stays so unbearably still
It's ok
I've got this
It's just a matter of will
"I'm back
And I'm not going anywhere"
My cold eyes open and stare
He's there
... wait no
That's my boyfriend
Not him
And we're... kissing
And this is safe
So... why is the voice still here??
Go away!
"Can't get rid of me that easy"
"I'm smarter than you, remember?"
"I work harder that you, remember"
"It's not your fault, you're just weak"
I
"No no, don't speak"
"I can do that for you"
"I know you"
"Better than you know yourself"
No you killed me
Took my health!
"I didn't ask you to starve yourself. You did that one on your own."
Get out of here!
This is my home!
He grew
He had been growing
I'm trying
What am I doing
Or saying
Wrong
Why is he so big
And scary
And why am I
So scared
I wasn't then
Back then he was just...
My boyfriend
He said nice things to me
Then nasty things
Then slipped in a misconception or two
Selling it as truth
Then said something nice again
Hell, we were friends!
He was just a kid on the bus
That was enough
For me
But not for him
No not for Jordan
He had to be big and mean
He had to have every girl he could see
I guess he could see me
And I didn't happen to be ugly
You know what
He was nothing
"You are nothing"
Well that did something
You were the weak one
Lying all the time
Trying so hard
Not to cross line
Until I looked away
But now I'm dwelling on the past
... and that's what makes you stay
Doesn't it?
That's what kept me In the ground,
Wasn't it?
I don't care about you
"Yes you do"
I want nothing to do with you
"Think this through"
Oh I will
And as I do,
Understand one thing
I am everything without you
