My head has been.. fuzzy lately
Tired thoughts
Goes and stops
And not a lot of little moments In between
I miss those
The "close youre eyes and feel the warmth of the sun"
Moments
The "wind blows go with the flow" moments
I have been having a lot more "I know" moments
I know my mortgage is high
But I want to stare at the sky
I know I have work to do
But I want to visit the zoo
And fill little me with excitement
I have a story in my head
And god do I want to write it
But I don't have time
I need to go to bed
I've slept like shit
My health is on the Fritz
And yet here I sit
Writing
Feeding a part of me that is being neglected
But lets be honest
It's all being neglected lately
And if I can feed one part of me
Maybe
That is enough
At least for now
I know I'm tired
I know my brain is on fire
I know my down to the wire
I know I want it to be lighter
I know that I'm a fighter
I know know that the cold will fade
I know there are better days
I know it's a worth it
I know it
But do I feel it?
Do I understand it?
Can I grow into it?
Can I show it?
Or am I doomed to just know
And never do
Just go
And never go through
Just move
I can grow later
I have been playing the game on hard mode
For much too long
Trying to prove something
Do you know how long it's been since I've written a song?
I'm switching my levels to easy when I can
I'm taking fucking ibuprofen
I will go on that 15 minute break
And if I get an idea for a poem
I'm writing it
Even if I lose 8 minutes of sleep.
Better than hours scrolling to no where
You know where?
Knowhere land
It's is where everyone goes to know
And to nose around
And to see
But not to feel or understand
Not usually
Mostly bury your head in the sand
And I am here
Making sand castles
Out of the loose sand
And it looks like a hill
But I am covering it in seashells
And trinkets I found d on the beach
Little bits of me
Sometimes all we know how to see
Is the sea
Unknown
Cold
And scary
Nope let's just stay on shore
Where we know it is safe
Where we can stay in our place
Where the sun is on our face
But we know why
Knowhere land
Is not located where the birds fly
It is strictly on the ground
And it can only be found in a group of people
Never alone
Everyone has a mini knowhere land in their head
It Fills up with dread
And voices of loved ones
Who taught us to fear the dark
And the unknown
The things we can't fight against
The what ifs
And do nots
I'm scared
A lot
And still so fuzzy
But at least I know where I am
At least I'm not on the lamb
At least I did my homework
At least I'm not dead
God the bar is in hell
And I need a drink
I can't think with all this noise
All this quiet noise
All this strength and poise
I am meant to hold all at once
I am lost in knowhere land
And that is not enough
I don't want to know
But I need to
And I hate it.
And I crave it.
And god dammit
I need to go to bed.
But I am writing again.
And soon.
This... was nice
