He Will Be Mine

Chapter 4: The Morning After

*** Alyssa's POV ***

Saturday morning, I wake up snuggled up next to Tyler. He is snoring softly, and though the sound and his appearance are rather pleasant, I can't shake off this deep-seated feeling of wrongness. Everything feels wrong, not how it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to wake up next to Matt. He is so near I can smell him. I can also smell ... them, and that brings back the memory of the agonizing, gut-wrenching pain from the night before.

I knew it would be unpleasant, attaching myself to his group of friends and having to endure a front seat to his relationship with another woman, but nothing prepared me for what it would feel like when they "did the deed" while I was powerless to do anything about it. Because our bond is already developing, his infidelity is painful for me, not just mentally but physically. Especially physically.

I call it infidelity because in my mind ours is the only union that matters, but of course to him it's just par for the course when you're engaged to someone. For me, it's a feeling like my insides are being ripped apart and my heart is shattering into pieces. I knew it was going to get ugly when I started to hear the moans and grunts coming from their tent, so I decided to excuse myself to use the bathroom. What I didn't anticipate was that it would wreck me even when I couldn't see or hear what was going on. I felt it in every part of me, and it was all I could do to hold in the sobs and just breathe through the pain, sitting there alone in an outdoor stall and feeling like I was dying.

After the pain started to subside and it didn't hurt as badly to breathe, I made a mad dash for the showers. It didn't matter that I didn't bring any soap or clean clothes to change into, I just needed to stand under the warm water and let my tears flow freely. I think what hurts the most, though, is the knowledge that I have saved myself for this man, but because he is human, he never knew any better. He had no idea I was out there waiting just for him, and I don't even have any right to be mad about it. Suddenly, I'm rethinking my purity, and suddenly, I'm wondering if it wouldn't be so bad to misbehave a bit.

After all, Tyler seems completely smitten with me. I give him a lot of credit because so far, he has been a perfect gentleman, other than the occasional innuendos and dirty comments. I can tell that deep down he is a good guy, and he respects me as a person to the point that he isn't going to pressure me into anything just because I agreed to share a tent and a mattress with him. He seemed excited just to cuddle with me, and since I didn't bring my own bedding there wasn't really another option. He assumes I did that on purpose because I like him too, and you know what? I kind of do. He'll never be Matt, but he might just be my ticket to ensuring that a repeat of last night doesn't happen again.

Mari is, of course, not at all happy with my plan. She wants Matt and only Matt, and her plan is for me to go to him now and just tell him the truth. She claims our bond will force him to do the right thing. But Mari is naïve. Maybe my plan isn't the best, but it's better than hers. Screw her for accusing me of being petty and vindictive. She claims I just want him to feel the pain I felt. It's more like I just want to feel the pleasure he feels, and if I have to endure a whole year of this, a little pleasure here and there might be the only thing helping me through it.

I'm still lost in my thoughts when Tyler finally stirs beside me and flips around to lie face-to-face with me.

"Morning," he murmurs with a sleepy smile.

He tentatively reaches out to me to drape an arm over my hip, seeming almost shy for the first time since I've known him. Though his previous attempts at this sort of affection have been met with hesitation on my end, this time I decide to reward his effort. I scoot closer and wind my own arm around him, bringing our faces mere inches apart.