He Will Be Mine

Chapter 35: Party Blues

*** Matt's POV ***

A sense of déjà vu washes over me as I look around and realize that this is just like Welcome Weekend, when my friends and I all went out to a party together, and I was the only one riding solo. It was different then. So much has happened. It didn't feel like this without Jessica, not back then. Though it's lonely, part of me is relieved because without her, I can just relax and enjoy myself.

Except I can't. As much as I appreciate that Tyler has been sharing time with Aly with me, seeing them here together just drives home how alone I still feel. She isn't mine, though sometimes I manage to forget about that for a bit and just enjoy being around her. There's something about sleeping next to her that calms and soothes me in ways I've never experienced before. It never felt like that with Jessica, and I'm left feeling more certain than ever that Aly is who I'm meant to be with.

And yet, something in me won't let me just break it off with Jess. Fear, I'm pretty sure. I'm terrified of the moment when Aly tells me that she wants Tyler, not me, leaving me completely alone and devastated. I know it's wrong, but I think I keep putting off the conversation I know I need to have with Jess because while we're still engaged, I don't have to face the reality of being alone.

There's also the fact that my feelings for Jess are real. They're fading, or at least paling in comparison to how I'm coming to realize I feel for Aly, but they're still there. I know that I'm going to hurt no matter what I choose, so I'm putting off choosing.

I saw Jess heading downstairs a bit ago. Instead of going over and talking to her, something I haven't done since we had our talk about taking a break, I found myself instinctively turning around and heading the other way. Classic cowardly Matt. Knowing that she is here has me a little on edge and being more careful about how I interact with Aly. I don't want to give her any more reason to have a problem with my relationship with Aly or inspire her to make a scene.

Trevor seems to have a sixth sense for when I'm on the verge of falling apart, and he always gets protective and hovers around me to make sure he's there when I crash. That's what he seems to be doing now, sticking to my side like glue, even turning Meredith away when she came to ask for a dance. I know I must be in rougher shape than I realized if he is turning down an opportunity to have his girl grind on him and show everybody that he's cool and sexy enough to have such a hot girlfriend.

Starting to feel like a massive burden or a weight dragging my friends down when they're trying to have a good time and enjoy their last Saturday night before finals, I decide to release Trevor from his babysitting duties, find an available bathroom to relieve my beer bladder, and then get out of here. The half-bath on the main level is occupied and so is the guest bath upstairs. Remembering when Aly found a private bathroom in one of the bedrooms the last time we were here, I make my way down the hall to that room.

I notice that the door is closed, and I can hear the distinct sounds of a couple enjoying each other in the biblical way. Mission aborted. I should be able to hold it until I get home.

But then I realize I recognize those moans. My blood runs cold and I freeze in place, trapped in the hallway listening to my fiancée moaning some other guy's name. Because I'm apparently a masochist and can't just leave it alone, I quietly open the door and peek in. Sure enough, there's her long blonde hair spread out over the side of the bed. Her eyes are closed but it's undeniably her, and that is definitely not me kneeling between her open legs and slamming my pelvis into hers.

I shut the door and fight back my urge to let loose an animalistic howl filled with rage and sorrow and I don't even know what else I'm feeling. My eyes are already clouding over with tears and I am vaguely aware of how I'm trembling so much that it's a struggle to walk. I've lost control of my body, but somehow I dash out of the house and make my way back to the apartment, throwing myself on my bed and shoving my face in a pillow to let the tears and screams flow freely, the needs of my bladder already forgotten.