Journal

4/14/20

4/14/20- Hello, I am back. I have had a very interesting weekend. Have you? Oh silly me you cant respond (why am I like this?). I have missed typing away at my computer so I am glad to be back.

Let's start with Saturday. The neighbors on our right suck at social distancing. They had people over on their deck and a few of them were high risk. One of the neighbors that came over brought the dad a case of beer. He had been sober for months now because Bumpa (his father) had knee surgery in February and had to sober up and has been staying sober. My dad drank a lot of beer that day but he stayed pretty happy throughout the day.

It was warm and sunny out. The brother hit my volleyball into the lake so I had to walk in the water to get it. I thought the water was decently warm and I wanted to swim but I decided to wait just because I thought nobody else would swim yet. I was very much wrong. A few hours later it started getting darker and windier and a boat came in front of our house. One of the guys on the boat waved at us and then jumped in.

I try to be the first in the water but this year it did not happen. I have been the first to paddleboard though. The dad was bringing our pontoon home from the landing and I was helping him tie it to the dock. I told him what happened and he told me I wasn't too late to be the first one thrown in. He picked me up like a baby and carried me to the end of the dock. I was scared I was too heavy and he wouldn't throw me far enough and I would hit the end of the dock so I just let him push me in.

It took my breath away a lot more than I thought it would. I assume this was because I weigh less than I did last time I was swimming in the cold. As soon as I got out I was fine and it actually wasn't bad so I stayed in my wet clothes for a bit. My neighbors thought I was insane but I loved it.

The dad and brother had been fishing up North on Friday and they had a wonderful time. They slept in their car and came home early Saturday morning. The dad told me that they had been wrestling out on the ice and the big dog went crazy because she did not know who to fight. Apparently the brother picked the dad up and the dog went even crazier. I did not believe it because even though my brother is massive he is not very muscular.

I was stupid to think that. He picked me up below my waist and almost threw me into the ceiling. The rest of the night the dad and brother kept picking me up and throwing me around outside. I do not know why I was worried about weighing too much. I am 5'5 and around 160 pounds (slightly overweight but I am working on it) and the dad is a bit taller and over two hundred pounds. The brother is probably six feet or taller and is also over 200 pounds. I am practically nothing to them.

All of Saturday my weight was commented on. I have lost thirty pounds since January 8th and now that I am outside more people are starting to notice. The mom has been asking about my weight for awhile and I finally told her how much I have lost She has been telling every single human possible about how much I have lost. A lot of people have noticed on their own too and I have been showered with compliments and questions about how I did it.

I did it to feel better. I want to be healthy and happy. How I did it has not always been the best. I have starved myself and overworked myself. But I have been doing my best to eat a healthy amount of foods and exercise a healthy amount. It has slowed down how much weight I have been losing and I'm stuck in a cycle of losing and gaining but that is okay because I know things take time. I at least hope that I am closer to 130/120 by the time school starts again next fall.

Back to my weekend. Sunday was pretty boring considering it was Easter. I got a lot of candy and treats from the mom and she got me an ACDC shirt. The shirt is a mens 2xxL and I wear a mens size small or medium. The shirt is giant! I put it on over my oversized long sleeve shirt I was wearing and it was still insanely large. I am hoping I can get it to shrink a little in the wash. Other than that it was just a boring day.

Yesterday is when things got interesting again. It was my sixteenth birthday. I woke up and after ten minutes in the bathroom realized the mom covered my mirror in post it notes. She wrote a bunch of crap about how great I am in hopes I would forget about how she says the opposite any other day. I ate some blueberries and worked out. She made eggs, sausages, and muffin pancakes for breakfast and I was not hungry but I ate anyway. The dad and I made spicy pork and veggie udon for dinner and ordered some sushi which was amazing.

I received no present from my parents because they are paying for my car insurance right now. I did however get a gift from the brothers best friend's mom who I often call giggles. She got me some iced teas, dark chocolates, puffcorn, and taco chips (I gave those to the mom). It was really sweet. I ate some of the chocolates with my dad and now the rest are in a box that I will give him later because it makes me anxious about having them.

Giggles also organized a drive by honking parade. It was great because a lot of people had signs and were hanging out of their windows screaming. Super dangerous but very entertaining. I even got to keep one of the signs. It was very sweet of her to do all that.

I am not sad about having spent my sweet sixteen inside all day. I hate having parties and getting gifts from people. I also do not mind about having to wait to get my license. I wouldn't have anywhere to go to anyway so I really do not care. This was probably the best birthday I have had just because I didn't have to socialize much and most people who weren't family did not know it was my birthday.

I didn't talk to my boyfriend at all yesterday. He didn't know it was my birthday because he knows I hate my birthday so he did not bother to remember it. It still kinda sucks that we didn't talk at all. He messaged me after I was sleeping and said hey and sent me a cute thing about missing me. I texted him good morning on Easter and he never replied. He called me later that night and said he was happy with me and missed me but it did not seem honest.

I tried sending him a message yesterday about how unhappy I am but it did not send. I am hoping to talk to him tonight about everything. I do not want to lose him but I am really unhappy. I love him but lately it feels like I love him more as just a brother. It seems more like I am dating my best friend than it does him.

The other bad news from yesterday was that I gained two pounds. Not that big of a deal besides the fact that that means I over ate a lot. I only had two full meals but I also had candy and cake. I made a neon blue cake with neon green frosting and put 16 with mini marshmallows on top. I guess it was just a really fattening day. I honestly think some of the weight is just from retaining water and it will drop again. I did however binge on puff corn today which made me feel sick and disgusting. I threw away the rest of the popcorn and hid most of the dark chocolate to give to my dad later and only kept the sweets that I knew I liked but would not binge on.

I hope my wild weekend has kept you entertained today. I apologize for my constant complaining but I am only human and humans suck. I hope tomorrow I will have something fun and exciting to share with you all. I hope you have a great day. I will see you tomorrow.