Journal

5/18/20

5/18/20- Good morning journal. I have had quite an interesting day so far. Fair warning I decided to do this class last because I was out of it this morning but I am still out of it. Please bear with me.

I went upstairs earlier this morning so I decided to try to make some whipped coffee. I let the dogs out and started making it. The small dog came back in and normally the big dog follows. I waited and kept looking out the door every couple of minutes. She was not coming.

I walked to a different door to look into our backyard. She was laying the grass down by the lake. She was not stuck she was just laying there. That would be normal if it was sunny and nice out and if someone was outside too. She never lays there in the morning especially since it was not nice out.

I saw her lift her head and something flopped around. Sometimes she brings toys outside but we always make her bring them back in. Even then she never lays down she runs around with her toys. I thought maybe she caught a fish or found a dead one and started playing with it. She never plays with fish like that though because of their fins.

I ran out there and I saw it. A dead squirrel. I have no idea if she caught it or found it. It was not bleeding but its fur was completely wet from her holding it in her mouth. I checked to make sure he was actually dead and he was. I brought him upstairs and put him in a bag. I could not bring myself to throw him away but I had to do something so I put the bag on the deck.

I decided I would just tell the brother to throw away the bag that was on the table outside. I have been dazed ever since. It might not seem like a big deal. It really isn't. My hunting dog who catches fish caught a squirrel. She has never killed another animal though. She might leave a fish to die on the ground be she never killed one herself.

The squirrels live in our neighbors tree. The tree is right in front of a window behind our couch. We have a dent in our couch where the big dog sits and looks for the squirrels. We spend so much time sitting at that window and looking for them. We watch them run around all the time. Even before her I have always watched the squirrels in that tree.

But now she has killed one. Or at least it looks like she has killed one. Either way one of the squirrels is dead. That just feels wrong. I knew the squirrels came into our yard but I never thought they would stay when they saw her go outside. They know by now that she can only run so far before we stop her or her shock caller stops her.

She could sense my daze. She layed in her kennel and I looked at her and asked if she killed him. She sighed and did not look at me. I was not mad but she would not look at me. She came downstairs and played with my dog but she was not seeking much attention from me. It was strange.

I finished the Chloe Ting two week shred challenge! That relax day really messed with my progress but that is okay. In the end I lost five pounds and an inch off my waste. I was hella bloated but that was okay. I am getting back on track. I have done two out of 28 days of her newest summer shred challenge. I am pretty hopeful that this will go well.

There is a five minute warm up and ten minute cool down stretch which I love. The warm up just gets you moving and the cool down is soooo relaxing. I like the music and I like being able to work on my flexibility. Those videos are optional though so if I am running out of time or not feeling good then I do not have to do them.

There are a lot more optional videos in this program. So far I have been doing all the optional workouts but it is nice knowing that if I am having a rougher day then I only have to do a couple workouts. Today all I had to do was an ab and butt workout but I also did the warm up and cool down. I also biked for twenty minutes afterwards but that was because I thought it would help me feel less dazed.

I am getting healthier and that is all that matters. I think after this I will try to keep myself up and moving. I want to make some stuffed animals out of socks. I have some fluffy socks and some plain socks that I do not wear. I have neon pink socks from softball and I really want to make a pig. I have a lot of stuffed animals so why I want to make more might be a mystery. It is probably one of the littles being close to the front.

Maybe I can find other things to make. I do not know why but I really am in the mood to make things. I would go upstairs to make play dough or something but the dad is home and he is salty. I think staying downstairs is my best option. At least I have like a million crafts to do.

I bought Sweetpea a little wooden dinosaur that I can paint for her. Maybe I can do that today. I hope I can make some good stuff. Maybe I will re organize my room..... Again. I kind of want to try making another fort but I also kind of think it will fail again. Wait, I just had the best idea.

I could make a cardboard fort. It would make my bed like its own private room and I could make a door and everything. That would be so freaking cool. I could paint it too. That idea would take forever but think of how cool that would be. I would have my own place to workout and do school stuff or whatever I want to do. Then I would have my own resting area that I can block out from the rest of the room when I want to.

I do not know why that sounds like the most genius idea but it does. Surprisingly I do not think we have enough cardboard. The parents have been enjoying many bonfires and I am pretty sure they burned most of the cardboard we have. I might have to go look for supplies. I will see you tomorrow.