Journal

6/2/20

6/2/20- Good mourning journal. I am back and ready to write. I have three days of school after today and I want to reach 100 pages. I am only at 85 pages as of now. I hope that after today I have around 90. That should not be too hard.

I have been having a good morning so far. I got up and had a healthy breakfast. By healthy I mean I had a tuna melt because protein. I also made a healthy lunch. I have steamed broccoli and cauliflower, an apple, apple sauce, cauliflower crackers, and pretzels. I also cut up strawberries and put them in a bag with some blackberries to freeze. It will be like 90 degrees today so I was like frozen fruit is a must have.

I realize I am eating a lot of fruits and veggies today but after a week of not eating very healthy my body needs this a lot. I also straight up just love fruits and veggies. I got my protein and fat in my tuna melt so it could be worse. My dinner tonight will probably be more balanced.

I had a lot of water and some lemon tea this morning. I feel hydrated as hell. I also worked out for the first time in like forever. My arms are really sore and my one shoulder is still a bit burnt so I did still take it easy. I did twenty or so minutes of biking, around fifteen minutes of dancing, and ten minutes of yoga. Not that much but it is a start.

The mom works until like 2:30 today but I assume we will be doing some stuff outside when she gets home. It is supposed to get cloudy by that time and then start storming pretty quickly. She likes it when it's hot and sunny, not cloudy and humid. I feel like she mentioned having people over today because it was supposed to be hot but I have no idea if anybody actually is.

Maybe I will do some more yoga or something after my homework just to make sure I am still active today. I finished history for the day but I have three Spanish exams after this. Teachers that give more than one exam in one day are the worst teachers. You can not convince me otherwise.

Speaking of Spanish class. I learned that the brother is currently failing his Spanish class. I think he is on his second year and he is quitting after this year. But still it is pretty embarrassing to fail Spanish two. Spanish three is by far the hardest year and the teacher at our school is so bad that most people fail or drop out. But Spanish two is an easy pass.

Besides the class and the teacher Spanish is pretty much the easiest language to learn. It can be hard at times but once you memorize basic sentence formations it really is not that hard. A lot of the words look like English words as well so it really is not that hard. I hear Korean is also really easy to learn but it looks a lot harder because it is symbols and not letters like most Americans are used to.

America is falling apart. I have heard so many things about pridefall. Some people say nothing will happen and some say they are physically threatening people. I have not seen any doxxing or threats but I can see wanting to be cautious. There really is a lot going on in the community right now.

A lot of people want to change LGBT pride month for like September or October and give June to people of color. I get it but I also don't. I am not really against it but at the same time this has been our month for so long. But it started with black trans women so it would make sense to have it as a black pride month.

On the other hand riots did not start in June they started in May. They are not over but they have been a lot calmer in Minnesota at least. The whole country and even some others are starting to protest too. I think it is great. Black lives matter and if you do not support that then you might need to reevaluate your life.

I personally think that June should be minority month. The LGBT community will not have to completely change their month but we can all share our pride. People of color will be able to celebrate everything they have done to fight for their freedom. We can all stand together. Pride started with black trans women. It should celebrate both LGBT members and the black community.

That just makes the most sense to me. I might have white skin and I will never be able to understand what POC have had to go through. I have never and will never have to deal with racism like that. But I know what it is like to be harassed for something that I can control and that does not hurt anybody. We should stand together. You wanna fight us? We would have soooooo many people celebrating together that none of the old white men with their racist and homophobic opinions could take us on.

We would be unstoppable. That would be so badass. But that is not up to me. I support whatever decision people come to. I am also soooo down to celebrate pride in October because then I could be spooky and gay. That would be awesome. Pride parades would probably leave all the gay minnesotans frozen though. Frostbite is a risk that I am willing to take.

Speaking of October though. Halloween will be on a Saturday this year! Yall that makes me so happy! I want to have a scary movie marathon with my boyfriend. I meant scary movies as in horror movies but the scary movie series works too. Honestly as long as I have chocolate, cuddles, and something involving horror I will be happy.

That would legit be the most perfect date ever. I want that so bad. We could carve pumpkins together! Or make those little pumpkin cookies. Y'all we could eat candy corn together. I NEED THAT! If none of this ends up happening I will be so sad. We could wear onesies for costumes.

I need to buy my boyfriend a onesie to wear. It would be perfect. He would look so cute! He would probably hate me forever but honestly that is a risk I am willing to take. I neeeeeeeed thatttttttttttttttttt. Maybe we could watch The Shining and Doctor Sleep together because Doctor Sleep is the first movie that we saw together.

I have so many plans and cute things we could do going through my mind. I honestly just hope we can at least watch movies together. That is all I really want. I miss him a lot. I really want to do something for his birthday but I doubt that I will be able to. Hopefully I can though.

I am still lowkey mad at him for never having time for me. I hope that when he gets his license he will be able to see me more. Knowing him though that probably will not happen. I live too far away for him to drive. I mean it really only is thirty to forty minutes and I have driven it for him but he is a little bit weird.

Gas costs money though so I can not be too mad. How funny would it be if he actually found my wattpad and started reading this journal. I would freaking wheeze. I was anxious at first to have him follow my instagram accounts but then I realized he does not care and he does not look at any of my posts. I sit and trash talk him all the time.

Watch as the one time he pays attention to anything I write is one of the times I throw shade at him. He knows he can not get mad though. He realizes the graves he digs himself. And if he doesn't well then he will have to learn. I am not putting up with bullshit anymore. I am a king and he needs to recognize that.

Today is one of those days where I just really got to hype myself up. I am amazing. I should treat myself like a king. Bitch I am a king. Everybody is a king they just gotta realize it. Know your worth baby. Do not let anybody treat you like you are less than what you are.

I am so sick of feeling like crap. And I am definitely sick of seeing other people feeling like crap. It is 2020 dude start loving yourself. I just wish everybody was hyping each other up. If you can not hype yourself up well then I am your new hype man. Send me pictures of you getting ready to do something or text me about your problems and I will hype you the hell up.

I love how I used to try so hard not to swear in this journal because it is for school. Now I just do not care. It is the end of the year and I would be shocked if my teacher actually reads this. I am just typing and living my best life. Cussing is just who I am.

That really annoys the mom though. I do not drop the f bomb very much but I say shit and hell a lot and she thinks it is embarrassing. I am sixteen years old. I am not a baby. Plus there are so many things I could do that are worse than saying bullshit. She should be happy that that is the worst thing I do.

Honestly I do not understand the big deal about cussing. They are just words. I mean they should not be used every sentence but they really are not bad. What is worse, me punching you in the face or me calling you a boss ass bitch? I mean seriously it does not have to be that big of a deal all the time. Half the time when I cuss at someone it is my way of complimenting them or being the sarcastic person I am.

I have written about three pages now and it is almost 10:40 in the morning. I can not tell if I should keep going or stop. I do not want to be doing homework all day but I do love writing. Maybe I should finish my three Spanish exams and see what time it is from there. Hopefully I am back but if I am not then I will see you tomorrow.