Journal

4/20/20(haha)

4/20/20 (haha)- Hello journal. Today things are gonna be a bit different. My name is Kasim Zulu and I am an alter. Wybie who is the host (person who fronts the most) is a little M.I.A right now so I am here. I have been here for the past couple of days and I have not been able to leave. I am not good at school and the grades will probably suffer from this.

I will give you a bit of information about me. I am around 18 years old, I have a twin brother named Azibo, we are from Swaziland and have a very complicated history, and I am a physical protector. You might be confused as to how and why I am from a different country and the best explanation I can give you is the brain put its vast knowledge of Africa (we study other places a lot) and the feeling of being out of place into my part of consciousness and I am here now.

I suck at explaining things. I am not one of the smart alters I am one of the strong ones. I normally front when there is a physical threat. School is a mental threat. But I am stuck here and I am forced to write two whole pages so I might as well try to educate you (please do your own research). Wybie was hoping none of us would front and have to do school work but that is not how dissociative identity disorder works so he will have to live with it.

So what is this disorder and why am I here? Dissociative identity disorder, previously called multiple personality disorder, is a reaction to trauma as a way to help a person avoid bad memories. Dissociative identity disorder is characterized by the presence of two or more distinct personality identities. Each may have a unique name, personal history, and characteristics.

When the body we live in was young a lot of bad people did bad things to it. Our little child brain did not think it could survive and it put up amnesiac walls to protect itself from the bad memories. How does that work? Every child is born with different parts of consciousness. One part wants food, one wants love, one wants sleep, and it goes on and on. When a child is around 7-9 years of age all of that integrates into one whole consciousness and makes that person his individual self.

When a child gets abused or goes through traumatic events and has a lack of parental support it can make it impossible to integrate. This body went through a lot of abuse and traumatic events as a small child and it did not think it would survive. Wybie, Colby, and Chief were some of the first alters to form to protect the body. Wybie was never aware of his alters or some of his trauma for his own safety.

He found out about us because one of our alters accidentally made himself obvious. Normally alters do not come forward or at least they wait until the host is safe and is ready. Wybie was not ready but he is doing his best to learn, cope, and survive. I hope that was not too much to take in.

You might think this disorder is super rare and so unbelievablke that it cant exist. 1-3% of the population has this disorder. More people have alters than people have schizophrenia. For every red haired person there is a person with DID. Think about that. If you know four gingers then you probably know four systems (people with DID).

It is a very complex disorder. It is weird and scary to have so many people in one body. We have 41 people that we know of and they all vary in ages, gender, sexuality, race, and species. We have demons, witches, elfs, faries, and even a bear in our system. This is a lot to process.

Why are there non human alters? A child normally watches a lot of cartoons or reads stories. Some child think that if they were a fairy they would able to fly away and be safe. Or if they were a tiger they could fight off who is hurting them. Some children might even think that if they were something like a rock then nobody would hurt them and they would be safe.

When a child thinks those thoughts their brain will put up an amnesiac barrier and form an alter that is a fairy, tiger, or rock because it thinks that will help keep them safe. Alters are used for survival. Sometimes animal alters are formed because of the truama a child experienced. For example when a child is tied up and hurt they can be very confused and scared and if you tell them they have no limbs their brain might form a snake alter because snakes move around without limbs.

It is sad but the brain does what it needs to so that the child can survive. All of us have a role. None of us own the body or the brain. Wybie split off first but that does not mean he is the core or the original person it just means that he was what the body needed at the time. It is all very complicated but it is important to understand that we all have a right to be here because we were created to protect a child.

We all live in an island in the inner world. Every system has a world inside the bodies head where they stay. Sometimes it is one house and sometimes it is a galaxy. Sometimes it is nothing and alters almost stop existing unless they are out and controlling the body. We have had many different inner worlds. Currently with how many people there are an island works best.

We have five different forest areas and a beach. There is a black forest where alters we do not know about probably exist in and where alters go dormant (it is almost like they are in a coma and then they come back or they integrate). Then there is a slightly less dark forest where two witches live and two persecutors. A persecutor is an alter that tries to protect the body using negative things. They are not bad people they just think that what they are doing is helping and they do not understand that there is more to life than pain.

Next to that we got a normal forest. That is where the main apartments are. The first one houses a lot of the alters who do not front often but are important. A lot of little kids live there with us. The other apartment is for fictives and factives (alters from a fictional source or from a real life source). They are normally really scared and confused and like to stay away from the other alters so we gave them their own apartment.

The Forest across from that one is what we call the light forest. It is really sunny and has a magical feel to it (I hate it). That is where the elfs, faries, and a child live. They do not like to talk to anyone for some reason so we just let them stay in their own magic world. The forest next to that is the golden forest. I do not know how but it always has a golden hue to it. Wybie lives there.

He has a big house where he lives with his family. His parents are Chief and Tambara. Chief has been in and out of dormancy and has always considered Colby to be his son (Colby is the main protector and he is Wybies twin, I know its weird) and Tambara is a newish alter who recently got older and took on a mother role. She started dating Chief and they decided that everyone would be happiest if they raised Wybie and Colby and were one big happy family.

Colby also lives in the house with them. Him and Wybie both recently turned sixteen. Wybie loves children but he never feels right when it comes to adopting one of the little alters. Colby on the other hand does not love children as much but long story short he used to be dating an alter in a different system and they somehow made a kid in that system's inner world. The host of that system left our system and Colby has not been able to talk to his kid much.

A two year old alter who we call Boots was discovered a while ago and she is adorable. He instantly had a connection with her and now she is his daughter. They live with Wybie and Wybie helps take care of Boots. Colby is my best friend so I can be honest and say he is stupid but he makes a good dad even if he struggles sometimes.

Wybie also has a big mastiff named Samson who lives with him. He's Not an alter he is a NPC and is like his emotional support dog. Wybie has a giant garden and a pond. He really has the coolest place in the inner world. I can not complain though because I do enjoy my apartment.

Lastly we have the beach. It is always warm and windy there. It is always really dark and cloudy like there is a constant storm. The water is like lake water but has waves like an ocean. There are no fish in the water either. It seems strange and gloomy but it is the place you go to when you want to sit and think. It is somehow really comforting.

I feel like I have covered a lot so I think I am going to leave it like this. Maybe tomorrow if I am still out I can continue telling you guys about the system. Hopefully it is Wybie again though because he wants to tell you about his fishing trip. I hope I wrote this decently. We will see you tomorrow.