Journal

5/21/20

5/21/20- Good morning journal. I am not doing great but I am slightly better. I went to the emergency room last night to try and see what was wrong. It was a pretty interesting experience.

I got there and there were these women who assessed your symptoms to see where you should go. They freaking sent me to the Covid hall. Everyone else was like damn that was stupid cause you have no symptoms. Yeah there are a lot of symptoms but not ones like mine.

They made me take a flimsy little mask even though I had my own heavy duty mask. I also had to take a sheet of paper about my mom waiting outside. I was a minor so she had to go with so I do not know what they were on. It was a shit show.

I was talking to the doctor and the mom freaking goes ¨He has been dieting a lot and drinking a lot of water¨ and the doctor immediately stopped listening to me. He was like so are you not eating, cutting out food groups, only drinking fluids? I am not dieting! I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables because I love them.

I eat when I am hungry and I eat what I want. I am not freaking dieting. But why would anyone ever believe me? My doctor was kind of an asshole. I get being skeptical but he straight up said he never trusts a patient that says they are not pregnant or sexually active. Some people might lie. Some might be a bit scared to say they are active. But to straight up say you do not trust any of your patience is kinda rude.

I am not active and that is 100% the truth. I have not seen my boyfriend in months and I have only seen him at school, a funeral, a restaurant, and a movie theater. I would never do stuff like that while surrounded by people. And I certainly have not cheated on him (we have been together for eight months).

It is a real slap in the face to know that doctors will never actually take my word on things. That is just freaking peachy. But anyway he did collect a blood sample and urine sample. That was so so so unpleasant. I have no problem taking urine samples and normally drawing blood is like nothing to me.

The nurse must have been new or something. She struggled so hard getting the needle in. She was moving it around in my arm for five minutes. Then she started over and it was so damn painful. I did not mind when she was stabbing me but the second time hurt so bad.

I could not help but move around and make noises and she just continued on. My hand went numb but my freaking arm was in so much pain and it never stopped. I used to love having my blood drawn. I did not love that. Even when she took it out she straight up ripped it out and I was like oh hell no.

It did not feel better until like two in the morning and even now it hurts more than it normally would. I am just glad that stupid IV is out of my arm. I am not happy with the results of the tests though.

Everything was perfect. Every single thing was perfect. They could not find an issue. Even on their nausea medicine I still felt sick and I still feel sick. I am glad that I am okay but at the same time I do not know why I am still feeling sick. I wish I had an answer.

I am hoping that one more day of resting and eating more sodium will help. If not I guess I will have to keep going and try to just ignore it. It is almost eleven thirty and I am getting pretty exhausted. I might just try throwing up later. Maybe that will make me feel better.

There is a chance that I have an infection in my intestines or maybe a bug or something. They said it should pass soon. If my nausea gets worse I will have to go in but I am really hoping it does not come to that.

I have some more bad news about my family. My great aunt has cancer. I have known that for awhile but last night I found out she only has about 3-4 months. I am not the closest to her but I have a lot of positive memories with her and the fact that I will not get to say goodbye sucks.

Apparently her tumor is one of the biggest her doctors have seen. She was a good person. She does not deserve that. Her daughter is taking it hard. Out of all the dads cousins she is definitely the nicest and I love her. Her son has autism and I hate to think of how he is handling things.

He is around 19 years old and he is like my best friend. We have always gotten along amazing. It is sad that people praise me for that because everyone else is too afraid to talk to people that are different then them. He is the sweetest and he is not hard to talk to.

He is honestly just a giant teddy bear. I think the reason we get along so well is we like the same things. We like the same movies, super heroes, and we both like drawing/writing to relieve anxiety. He also loves swimming just as much as me. He never leaves the water when he is at my house. I took him and his friends to Bunker beach one summer and they swam and played for like ten hours straight.

I hope I can get my license soon so that I can take him places soon. Once it is safe of course. Even if I am just bringing him to my house for a day. I really want him to meet my boyfriend too. His approval means a lot to me. He really is my favorite family member.

I am not feeling great. I got through a lot more than I thought I would. I am quite exhausted and dizzy now so I think I will go. Hopefully I have a better update for you tomorrow. I hope today was not too boring or annoying. I will see you tomorrow.