Journal

6/1/20

6/1/20- Good morning journal. Happy pride month!! We stan the month of June. We stan the gays. The fact that covid took over the world before the gay of 2020 could is outrageous. But if you are not LGBT we stan you too as long as you are a nice person.

I am having a decent day. I was really tired this morning but my goal was to get up before 6:30. Instagram decided that my account was buying likes and tried to kick me off on instagram. It took me almost forty minutes to get my account back. But I got up and did what I needed to and now I am here and it is only 7:15.

I think today will probably be a good day. I have homework and not much else to do. I think I will take a bath and relax when I am done. I will not lie to you. Part of my body is really burnt so I will probably take a baking soda bath. How parts of my body got so red I will never ever understand. I can not stress how much I miss having darker skin and never knowing what it was like to get burnt.

Over the past couple years I have been losing the pigmentation of my skin. Last year I got extremely burnt on my back for the first time and it was so bad I could not wear a shirt. I was in a bikini yesterday and the back of my neck is one color, each shoulder is a different color, my back is a different color, the area my swimsuit covered is a different color. I am multicolored now. It is funny but the fact that one shoulder is insanely red sucks.

My face, legs, and forearms are really tan. The rest of my body is either pale or red and I honestly do not understand. Hopefully this goes away and my body learns how to not burn again and then my whole body will be tan. With my luck that probably will not happen. It is nice to hope.

Now let's get into how I got burnt and the events of yesterday. So yesterday was a weird day. I woke up feeling really good. I felt hot and masculine and it was nice. Then I saw that the brother's friend drove over and they were going to go fishing on his boat. My neighbor also had like three guys over and I knew more people would be joining. It just screamed at me how alone I am.

My best friend lives across the country. My only friend in Minnesota might just be talking to me out of pity. We have been getting closer lately but I still have my trust issues. I just do not have anyone. I feel so isolated. I did not used to bother me but now it really does. I should not be isolated cause I have someone that is supposed to be super in love with me. But he is always busy.

I might see if he can come over soon to go fishing and swimming. His birthday is in sixteen days. Maybe I can convince his grandparents to let him come over for his birthday. I mean his grandparents and what not can come. My mom doesn't like his grandpa but she loves the rest of my family. My dad has never met him but I am sure he would get along with him and his family just fine.

Anyway let's get back to yesterday. I had many breakdowns but the loneliness one was soul crushing. I also tried watching a feel good movie that is the sequel to a cheesy sappy movie. I thought for shits and giggles I would watch it and it would help. The struggles of the main character hit too close to home and I broke down. It was a shit show.

But then the mom called and asked if I wanted to go out on the boat. I did not but I thought getting out might be nice. I had a really bad headache but sometimes being outside is worth it. I went and we ended up going to the sand bar. My old best friend was there with her mom and sister so we parked our boat next to theirs.

Soon after my neighbor pulled up. I have not seen him in so long but he lives a couple houses down and I love his daughter. He got a new girlfriend and he is sooooo in love. He doubled in body weight and he is just living the best life. He is chubby, happy, and in love. He is almost everyone's on the lakes goal in life. We stan a happy man.

It was weird seeing him just out and enjoying life. He started his own pizza franchise and he has been way too focused on that. His new girlfriend has really changed his perspective on things. His daughter is five almost six and she brought a friend who was nine. The girls older sister rides my bus but they are a bit new to my circle so I do not know them very well.