Journal

4/28/20

4/28/20- Good morning journal. I am writing even earlier than yesterday. I woke up and I felt like it was morning but I wanted to sleep until my alarm went off. Then I got a feeling that I needed to be awake cause something bad was gonna happen. I checked the time on my phone just as my boyfriend texted me saying he was freaking out. So we called for an hour and he calmed down.

It was two in the morning and he had not fallen asleep yet but he was starting to have a panic attack. This quarantine is killing him. He struggled with his grandparents a lot and I was his break from that and now we can't see each other. Apparently his grandfather was yelling at him about some school stuff (he had not done anything wrong) and started comparing him to his mother.

He loved his mom but she was a drug addict and made some not good decisions. I am sure I mentioned it before but she died in February. He took it hard because he does not have a dad either although he was pretty emotionless. My boyfriend ended up knocking his grandfather to the ground and putting him in a choke hold. They do not usually get physical (from my knowledge at least) but he really crossed a line.

Also for clarification his mother was not his grandfather's daughter. He was her stepdad and I do not think they were all that close. His grandfather is also kind of pervy (actually really pervy). When I first met him he said some pretty awful stuff to one of his sons. I do not think he is intentionally an arse but still. He is never not making my boyfriend work and being completely rude to him.

Anyway we called for an hour this morning and it was really nice. I told him about getting into Moorhead and he said ¨oh great¨ and sounded disappointed. I was crushed but then he went ¨I'm really proud of you, I just don't want you to leave me in high school¨ and I thought that was pretty cute. Although I will be leaving him for senior year at least we have one more year together. I think for senior year I might try living on campus and going to the actual school so I can get away from the parents.

Speaking of parents, it is the mom's birthday today. She is 49, what an old bat. I just realized my sarcastic humor does not translate over text very well so please know that was a joke. I was gonna prank her but then I decided to bake her cookies from scratch. I baked cookies with white chocolate chips because we do not have regular chocolate chips. I also spelt out happy birthday mom on top of the cookies which did not turn out the best. A+ for effort though.

I wrote a sign and taped it to the microwave. It says happy birthday old woman. I also wrote a card and drew storm clouds on it because she wont stop complaining about how it is supposed to be cloudy and rainy all day. The inside is the best part though. I put thanks for everything, have a good life (the brother said thanks for the money and have a good life on a card for our grandparents) and signed it -from your favorite, smartest, best, funniest, cutest, most wonderful child.

If you can not tell I am a comedian. My most common jokes are sarcastic and often come off as rude but I think I am hilarious. Most people think I am hilarious. A guy lives across the street with this other guy and ever since we met we have been ripping on each other. Every time he walks over I go ¨Aw shit who invited him?¨ and the war starts.

He has a lot of nicknames too. The first one was soft hands cause he hurt his hands jumping off our boat. The next one is window licker and my dad came up with that and it stuck. We are so mean but so funny. He brought his girlfriend over one new year for games and she hated me for ripping on him so much. She had a couple drinks though and I became her favorite person. Now they are engaged and I have not seen them since the fourth of July.

What a life I live. I hope I meet more people who like my comedy because cracking jokes is my favorite. That is all I do with my therapist at this point. Comedy masks everything and I love it. I can already tell today is gonna be packed with jokes.

I just remembered I have to draw my D&D character today. My ex helped me create him last night. He is a rogue tiefling (spontaneous half demon) named Bane. He is tall and muscular, has blue skin, red and black hair, black eyes, black horns, and is 18 years old (baby boy). He is a sarcastic comedian like me, nice when you get to know him but initially comes off as rude, and he gives no shits.

I cannot wait to draw him! I am not good at art but this will still be fun. I like building my own characters. Maybe I will make more. Maybe once my ex teaches me how to play then I can build my own campaign. That sounds like a lot of fun. Wow I am a nerd.

I wish I was Bane. A magical black eyed demon who wields daggers and katanas. I want red and black hair (although his hair will be longer than how I want mine). I also want blue skin. Being a D&D character would be so much better than being a human. I wouldn't have to deal with the stress of signing up for college classes.

Fun story. I have had four injuries on my right foot from yesterday. I cut my foot on my carpet while working out (hard to explain). I got a sliver while playing hopscotch (there was a twigs and stuff that I tried getting off the sidewalk. My mom needed me to break some boards and I put my foot right through the first one and now there is a cut and some scrapes. I also was trying to put out a fire because a bored fell out of the actual fire and fell on the ground and somehow some ashes flew under my foot and burned me.

I am really good at getting hurt. It is my one and only talent. I already had two injuries on my right foot so now in total I have six. How do I even walk at this point? I am such a mess. I broke my arm by tripping over my own foot. I am the definition of a clutz.

I think I enjoy getting up at two in the morning. Over six hours later and I am still the only one awake. I did not workout this morning because my foot hurts really bad. I also have not showered yet but that is because I want to be upstairs when my mom sees her birthday surprise. It has been productive considering everything else I've done.

Maybe I will keep getting up this early so I have all morning to get stuff done. Can you tell I am a bit of an insomniac? I suck at sleeping and now that I like being physically active in the morning I actually don't hate not being able to sleep. I am such a weird person.

I have been writing for almost two hours (I took a couple breaks) So I think I will leave you here. It was nice writing early again. It feels so therapeutic to get everything out. I used to write out my feelings a lot but I felt like nobody cared. I don't have to worry about that anymore. I will see you tomorrow.