Memories | Sanjoong

11. Can't Give Up

*
There's a difference in giving up and knowing when you've had enough.
But there's also a difference in giving up everything to achieve your goal.
*

"I'm going to give up..." San said sadly. "Maybe some things are just supposed to stay a secret."

"Is that really your reason for giving up something you've been working on for so long?" Seonghwa asked. He didn't seem impressed at all by San's excuse. Seonghwa is someone who is extremely resilient himself, and he has seen San's struggle more than anyone else. He just felt like it was such a waste.

"It's not just that. I've had enough. I've lost too much doing all this useless research. Wooyoung was right. How long will I keep searching? I'm losing my time, my love and my mind with this stupid curse!"

"It's not a curse San. You've done so much... are you really letting it all go?"

"Unless I get a lead, I'm stopping. I can't keep going on."

Seonghwa nodded. He walked towards the board and let his eyes travel over all the strings. "Look at the links carefully."

"I've stared at that board more than a thousand times and I never find anything new."

"Maybe you're looking in the wrong way?"

Seonghwa studied the board carefully, whilst San rolled his eyes at his cousin's attempt. He then remembered the new things that he saw whilst on the trip. He quickly sat at his desk and pulled out a sheet of paper and a pencil.

The face of the man who tried to drown him was still so fresh in his mind. The best thing to do would be to draw him. San sketched for a while and occasionally he would glance at Seonghwa, who was busy looking at the red strings.

"Who are you drawing?" He finally asked, after his eyes began to hurt from staring for too long.

"This man..." San mumbled, then he stood up and pinned his new drawing to the board. "... is someone who tried to kill the person."

"San I know you said it was a dumb idea, but I really think this has something to do with past lives," Seonghwa said.

"I don't believe in reincarnation," San replied. "It has to be something else."

"You don't have to believe in it. Just consider it. Maybe you're seeing your memories from your previous life!"

"So your saying that I am that person?"

"It's a possibility," he shrugged.

After a while of thinking in silence, San groaned. "It can't be! You only live once, isn't that what we're always told. After we die, the memories we have of life die with us. There's just no way it could be a past life."

"Instead of giving up, try to be more open-minded. Maybe then you'll find your answer."

"Are you sure this isn't just some mental illness? I think that's a better explanation. Maybe my parents are right, I might really need psychological help-"

"You don't need that at all. What you need is a little confidence," Seonghwa said. He placed a hand on San's shoulder and squeezed it. "Try going over everything you've got so far with the idea of past lives. It could work, but you'll never know if you never try."

San caved in and went back to the board and reviewed it, keeping in mind Seonghwa's idea. Though he didn't want to admit it to the older, it was all slowly starting to make more sense than before.

"Wanna report back to me now soldier?" Seonghwa asked smugly.

"If I assume it's me then... I used to live in a cottage with the person I loved. Probabaly the faceless one, Hongsik. I seemed to have made this man here-" he pointed to his recent drawing. "-upset. I'm guessing it was something to do with love again. I don't know why, but I just feel like it. Maybe it was a one-sided break up or something. He tried to kill me, so that means the one who saves me had to have been Hongsik..."