Memories | Sanjoong

7. Don't Let Me D(r)own

*

Drowning in my own tears
But when I shout for help
Everyone disappears

*

"He doesn't like water," Wooyoung answered for San. Wooyoung was the only one who knew the reason why, whereas the others didn't even know that fact about their friends at all. As they all walked off to play, Hongjoong stayed back.

"Since when?" He asked. "How come I never knew about it?"

"Pretty recently I guess... start of the year maybe?" San picked at the skin on the side of his finger mindlessly. "I didn't tell you or anyone because I didn't want you guys to worry or be too careful."

Hongjoong didn't seem convinced but he tried his best not to question it right now. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

"No no! You go ahead and have fun. I'll just stay here and keep an eye on everyone's stuff."

Hongjoong nodded, but before he left he swooped in and placed a sweet kiss onto San's forehead. The younger blushed and smacked Hongjoong's arm lightly, telling him to leave.

Once he was left alone, San sat down on one of the three deck chairs they had secured. He watched the people around him going about their personal lives and he sighed. San watched his friends splash around in the water, slip down huge slides and pull each other down into the depths of the waves, and he so wished he could join them too.

The reason San couldn't go into water like that was yet again the result of the unwanted memories. About 7 months ago San had the unpleasant experience of a memory fit in the middle of his Phys Ed class. They were all told to choose a lane to stand by to take turns in diving and swimming six laps. Prior to this, San had no issue with water, in fact he quite enjoyed swimming as a hobby. He was even captain of the school swim team.

However today was different. He dove into the pool like everyone else, taking a second to get used to the temperature before beginning his laps. San swam and swam and swam. By his fourth lap, he felt tiredness spread throughout his arms and legs. He suddenly felt especially heavy around the deep end and somehow lost control of his surroundings.

San began to feel like the water was attacking him, as though each wave had grabbed hold of his limbs and prevented him from swimming back up to the surface. His fear took over him as the thought of not being able to breath took over his mind. After a few seconds of thrashing, San realised that it wasn't him who was being trapped by the water.

It was the person in his memory.

Almost every time San started remembering a new memory, he felt as though he was that person. In the visions he saw, everything happening through the point of view of that person, like it was all happening to himself.

This time he saw himself surrounded by water, but it was worse than that. He seemed to have shackles around his ankles that were attached to heavy weights. His attempts to swim back up were futile. As his memory-self thrashed around in the water, San did exactly the same in reality. It was a horrible experience. He felt every single painful emotion that coursed through the memory.

His lungs didn't have the air it needed to breath and it didn't seem like he'd last very long. Soon, Wooyoung had entered the pool, wrapping his arms around San and pulling him up. Though he received help, San was still in his outburst state, hopelessly screaming and kicking his legs. It made it very hard on Wooyoung, but he eventually managed to heave his friend to the bleachers.

Wooyoung recognised San's state immediately and did everything in his power to convince everyone that San was fine and that they should go back now. Wooyoung watched his friend helplessly after that knowing that all he could do about a wait until it was over.