Memories | Sanjoong

27. His Yearning Heart

*
So desperate for your love... but so desperate for your happiness
So desperate that I'm settling for heartbreak instead
*

Things turned out much better than San had thought they would, and his life seemed to be looking up slightly. He attended classes and managed to ignore what people said. Hongjoong was ok with San's 'visions' and offered to help him out with it; he was understanding, and San was glad about that. Though San didn't tell him the full thing, Hongjoong accepted the wild truth and it made San feel a lot more relieved.

Since that night, San had returned home, sealing the door to his secret study completely. He knew that he was tired of it, and he heeded Seonghwa's words because the older was right. He was ignoring such a beautiful present by living another life, stuck in the past. San knew what he wanted. He wanted freedom. That night the door closed and all of San's burdens were locked away behind it.

Despite his fears, San didn't regret his decision. He felt much better and knew that he was in a much better headspace now. One thing that really helped was that now he had more time to spend with his friends. He actually agreed to leave the house whenever Wooyoung asked, and he found that he really enjoyed himself.

The only issue San had now was that he couldn't look Yeosang in the eye anymore. He just couldn't bring himself to interact much with him. Hongjoong didn't tell San many details, but San didn't know if he even wanted to know any details. It made San uneasy when he was near Yeosang and now that San knew that truth, he found himself noticing the way Yeosang reacted in his presence, how he too avoided eye contact- or any contact at all. He also noticed Yeosang and Hongjoong's interactions and San wondered whether he felt jealous or not on multiple occasions.

San grabbed his keys and headed out the front door, as he was going to meet up with his friends again. He arrived at the bowling alley and went inside to see Hongjoong and Yeosang were already there. San hesitated, debating whether or not he should wait for someone outside and then pretend he had no idea they were already there, but before he could, Hongjoong saw him and called him over.

"You two are early," San said, feeling as though he was intruding. "I thought I was the first here."

"We just got here too actually," Hongjoong said. Then he got a call, so Hongjoong left the area to someplace quieter, leaving San and Yeosang alone. San glanced at Yeosang, but then sat down quickly making sure to leave a gap between them. Yeosang seemed to hesitate, but then tried to speak.

"San... I noticed that we've been a little distant recently," Yeosang started. "Did I do something?"

San looked at him for the first time in two weeks, surprised by the question. That means that Hongjoong didn't tell him that San now knew.

"Nothing's wrong, I've just been busy with my own stuff..." San lied. "Yeah, it's not just you, I think I've been that way with everyone."

Yeosang seemed like he wanted to say something against San's lame excuse but managed to stop himself. Hongjoong returned to the duo and looked between them, noticing the hostility. He sat down and tried to cheer up the mood and start a conversation, but both boys were so obviously reluctant.

"Alright guys what's going on?" Hongjoong asked. "I left for two minutes and now there's so much tension."

"Nothing's wrong," San said.

"Yep, we're all good," Yeosang said.

Hongjoong believed neither of them.

He sighed and turned to Yeosang. "I told him... what we did," he admitted. "That's why he's being like this, just give him time."