*
I'm still looking for answers
And still wondering why
*
"I'll let go of you Choi San... and I this time I won't come back."
San hesitated before answering. The way he thought about it was that whatever he chose, San would never be happy. Because he wanted Hongjoong just as badly as his desire to find out the truth.
"Well? What's your answer?" Hongjoong asked. It made San feel pressured because the younger didn't know how to answer.
"This- this isn't something I can answer," San said breaking the eye contact. "Kim Hongjoong my heart will always choose you but... it's so much more complicated than that. And I know that this is all my fault."
"Hey... it's not all your fault. We both made mistakes."
"What mistake did you make? I'm the one who has been disappearing and keeping secrets. Not telling you anything even though you're one of the people I trust the most."
"I just want to say sorry," Hongjoong said. "Because I know that I shouldn't have accused you of cheating, I know it's not something you would do, but I still ignored every excuse and... I still went and did the wrong thing too. I don't remember much of it, but I guess at the time I thought it was a way to get back at you and now I feel so bad that-"
"W-what did you do?" San asked dubiously.
"Yeosang and I... slept together," Hongjoong mumbled, sighing as he looked to the ground.
"Slept? What does that mean Hongjoong?" San asked, hoping that his suspicion wouldn't be true.
"You know what I mean! We... we had sex," Hongjoong said. The tension between them grew so thick that San could barely breathe.
"No. No you're lying... Hongjoong tell me this is a joke," San whispered, not being able to believe it at all.
"It's the truth and even though I'm ashamed of it, I know I can't hide it from you."
San's mind was working in overdrive. He never thought that he would find something like that out tonight. He couldn't imagine it... he didn't want to imagine it. But this was the horrible truth and whether San liked it or not, technically it wasn't wrong because he and Hongjoong had broke up already.
"Say something," Hongjoong said, interrupting San's heavily polluted mind.
San looked at him, unable to say anything. He didn't know what to say. He was afraid that if he opened his mouth the wrong words would come out and make the matter worse, but San desperately wanted to scream out.
Hongjoong watched San expectantly, hoping to get a response, but San became more and more disorientated. He knew exactly what was happening to himself and all he could think was
'not now... why now...'
-
"Are you really running away like that?" He asked, watching San packing his bag. San said nothing and continued to furiously shove things into his bag. "S--- will you just listen to what I have to say?"
"What do you want me to say?" San heard himself say. "Should I praise you for this? Or should I congratulate you?"
"Don't be like this, you know I can explain if you would just let me," Hongsik said, temper rising.
"Don't bother. I have to leave before your dad gets here." He zipped up his bag and was ready to leave, but Hongsik stood in his way.
"My dad doesn't know about this place, you can stay here," he tried to reach out for San's hand, but his memory-self moved away.
YOU ARE READING
Memories | Sanjoong
FanfictionFor the past year, San has been battling what he likes to call 'memories' - visions that were much too real to be fake. No matter how hard he tries to search for answers to his questions, he is always running into dead ends. They've taken over his l...
