Memories | Sanjoong

14. Three Shots Down

*
I'm not perfect, I make mistakes, I hurt people.
But when I say sorry... I really mean it.
*

Of course San didn't want to say those words at all, but he really couldn't stop thinking about the fact that without some honesty, their relationship wouldn't work.

And being honest was something he couldn't do right now.

"B-break up?" Hongjoong's voice cracked as he tried not to cry. "You're breaking up with me?"

In reality, San knew it was coming to this and he wanted to be the one to end it because he knew that Hongjoong found it hard to let people go.

"This isn't working out... recently we argue or go days at a time with no contact at all. We're keeping secrets and-"

"No you're the one keeping secrets!" Hongjoong shouted, wiping his cheek. "And you know what? I was fine with it at first because I thought you'd tell me eventually, but it doesn't seem like we're going to get to that point."

"I know, but it's hard."

"That's what you always say," Hongjoong huffed.

"Well it's not like you're telling me much either," San rolled his eyes. "What's up with your new drinking problem?"

"Dri- drinking problem!? I'm sorry that I got a little drunk because I'm stressed out, but who do you think is the cause of all that fucking stress?"

"I said I was sorry, why do you think I suggested we break up?"

"Breaking up won't change the fact that you're a fucking cheater!" Hongjoong's voice rose louder, making the resident doctors (that were enjoying a quiet break from work) look at him weirdly.

"I'm not seeing anyone else ok? I know you won't believe me no matter what I say, but I'm not going to let you accuse me like that. The fact that you believed it without asking me first just shows how little you trusted me."

"I'm done San," Hongjoong said quietly. He rubbed his face and exhaled loudly. "Come to me when you've got a proper explanation because I don't want these half-assed apologies anymore."

He started to walk away from San, who was trying hard not to crumble. It was extremely hard thought because at that moment, he was about to lose someone so important to him. After a second of thinking, he jumped forwards and grabbed the older's hand.

"Hongjoong! Look if you don't want to break up, we could just take an official break from each other," San suggested, not having the heart to actually leave his boyfriend.

"An 'official break'?" Hongjoong asked, shrugging San's hand away. "No thanks, let's just go with what you first said. A break up seems better now. I rather focus on studies and taking care of my dad instead of wasting my time on this dumb relationship right now."

San tried to act like Hongjoong's words didn't hurt him. He was the one who suggested it first, so he was making himself look like a big fool right now.

"Let's give it another chance. For now, we don't have to see each other like a normal couple. You do what you want, I'll do what I want. A break from each other could help."

Hongjoong looked San up and down, not believing his words. But he secretly didn't want to actually leave the boy either. "Whatever," he replied airily, walking away from San.

He left San up on the terrace alone, walking back to his father's room. As soon as he entered, Hongjoong broke down, crying his torn, little heart out. What had just happened? He had no idea.

Hours passed and he just cried to his heart's content, completely ignoring the nurse who came to check up on his dad. She seemed a little concerned, but didn't say anything to Hongjoong and the boy was glad for that.