Memories | Sanjoong

21. Misunderstandings

*
I know I love you...
*

The silence was uncomfortable, which was unusual between San and Hongjoong. A lot had chnaged in the span of a couple of weeks leaving the 'couple' in a bad position. Both were desperate to fix it, but both were stubborn and wouldn't speak up about how they really felt. They had already dated so why was it so difficult to fix it.

"Wooyoung said you had something you wanted to tell me... what is it?" San asked, cautiously speaking up first.

Hongjoong looked at him, then looked away realising that he couldn't ask San directly about Wooyoung, he just didn't have the courage.

"Nothing much, just wondering where you had disappeared to..." he said, his pathetic excuse not running past San.

"That can't be it... there isn't anything else you want to talk about?"

"I... I saw the news... about... you guys," he managed to say, cringing inside when he heard the words come out.

"Oh..." San didn't know how to respond to that now. "I-it's just a rumour anyways, n-no big deal."

"Then why are you stuttering?" Hongjoong asked.

"I-I'm not!" San exclaimed. "No matter how true it seems, it's just pretend."

"i'm not saying you can't date him, I just wish you'd tell me the truth."

San looked at Hongjoong in disbelief, but tried not to get too angry about it. He still wanted this conversation to lead somewhere better than where it seemed to be heading. "When I tell you the truth you don't believe me, but it doesn't matter. I just have to hope one day you'll listen."

"I was always there to listen Sannie, but you were never ready to talk," Hongjoong said. He watched San look at his lap sadly and sighed. "But I'll still be waiting for you when you need me..."

"Still? Even though I hid so much?"

"I believe that one day you will tell so I'll wait for that day to come," he said with a small smile. "When we... broke up, I was so upset... I really loved you San, even if you love someone else and-"

"Do you still think that I cheated on you?" San asked.

"Well I don't want to, but I have no other explanation for your behaviour. Until you tell me... unfortunately that's what I'll believe."

San nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat that formed from holding back his will to cry. "D-did you think that Wooyoung was the one... that-"

"Yes," Hongjoong admitted. "That's why I wanted to talk to you."

At that moment Wooyoung came back to the kitchen to put his plate in the sink. He looked between the two wondering if they talked it out. Suddenly San stood up, pushing his chair back.

"I'm going to the bathroom," he announced. As he was rushing out, Wooyoung noticed the tears that San desperately tried to hide and he sighed.

"I'm guessing that conversation wasn't going well," he said, leaning against the counter.

It was going fine until you came in," Hongjoong muttered.

"Of course it was," Wooyoung rolled his eyes. "I'll show you how it didn't work, follow me."

Wooyoung went in the Same direction San had left in, with Hongjoong reluctantly following behind. As they stood outside the bathroom door, Wooyoung signalled for Hongjoong to stay quiet and listen. Hongjoong listened carefully, his heart hurting when he heard San's sobs. Even with the water running in attempt to drown out the sound of his crying, it was still relatively clear for Hongjoong and Wooyoung.

"If he's upset after talking to you, that means it didn't go well," Wooyoung said, walking away. Hongjoong wanted to say something back, so he followed Wooyoung who walked all the way to the front door. "I think its best if you leave now."

"Are you serious?" Hongjoong asked, surprised that Wooyoung was kicking him out.

"You got your chance to talk to him, so leave him alone for now." Hongjoong glared at Wooyoung before unwillingly leaving the apartment. When the door shut, Wooyoung let out a sigh of relief.

He decided that he should go and check on San, so he quickly went to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "San... you ok in there?"

But there was no response.

Instead the door opened slowly, revealing San who looked at the ground rather than meeting Wooyoung's eyes. He had to admit he felt dumb for crying right now.

"Hongjoong left, so let's talk," Wooyoung said, taking San to his room. San sat down on the bed and then lay down, feeling a little more relaxed than before. Wooyoung brought him a glass of water, setting it on the desk and sitting down beside San. "Wanna tell me what happened?"

San explained how their conversation went, regretting ending it at such a terrible moment.

"It just hurts that he still thinks that I cheated on him... and he thinks that it was you I cheated with," San said. "I can't hope that he'll believe me when I won't tell him anything though, so it was dumb of me to get overemotional."

"You don't need to hide how you're feeling just because you think it's dumb. You have a valid reason, anyone would be a mess if they went through what you do. These things that happen in your head need to be sorted out before anything else, I understand that. And I'll help you every step of the way." Wooyoung pulled San into his side for a hug, patting his arm reassuringly.

After that, the pair spent another two hours chatting as San told him everything he had found out on his trip. They pondered over it's meaning and tried to come up with solutions until neither of them could keep their eyes open any longer.

-

The next San went home to relax and get ready for school. He and his friends were about to start the second year of university, so he needed rest before then. When he entered his house, he expected to get questioned, but instead was met with silence. No one was home and that gave San the freedom to casually enter. He went straight to his room to unpack his bag. When his clothes were tidied, he quickly showered.

After he was done, he went back to his room pulling out the remaining things from his bag, those being his laptop, notebook and other papers. As he dried his hair, he looked at them, exhaling loudly when he realised that even though he had so much more now, he was still far from finding out the whole truth.

He picked up his belongings, taking them to his private room and locking the door behind him. San set down the laptop on the desk and flipped open the notebook. He took out post-it notes from the draw, taking key notes from the book and putting it on the colourful paper. After a while, he started putting it up on the board, pinning them down in certain places that only made sense to himself.

When he was done, San stepped back to look at the whole board which stretched almost as far as the entire wall. He pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on. He was on the verge of a break down again becuase he was just so exhausted from all of this. Yet he stayed string, taking a deep breath and leaving the room, making sure to lock it from the outside again.

San lay down on his bed, his body finally felt like it was resting, but his mind was wide awake. He couldn't help but go back to Hongjoong's words.

"Do you still think that I cheated on you?"

"Well I don't want to, but I have no other explanation for your behaviour. Until you tell me... unfortunately that's what I'll believe."

"D-did you think that Wooyoung was the one... that-"

"Yes," Hongjoong admitted.

It was a painful fight.

And San just hoped it would be worth it in the end...

.
.
.

Hiiii I hope you liked this chapter
I'm so sorry that its been almost a month since I last updated. Actually this chapter has been written and sitting in my draft for two weeks now, but I totally forgot to click "publish" apparently.

What do you think of the story so far?

@MiNgk0