Memories | Sanjoong

23. Heart and Mind

*
Thoughts cloud my heart and head
I think I think too much
*

Hongjoong's mind went blank.

He felt the soft lips on his lips but he couldn't process the fact that they were actually there. The foreign feeling of another's lips... lips that didn't belong to San. And when that thought came into his head, he roughly pushed Yeosang away.

"What is wrong with you?" Hongjoong shouted, not knowing why he was raising his voice. Maybe it was the fact that he had no control over the situation and it scared him, or that he felt a strange sensation running through his body as soon as their lips came into contact and he wanted to run from it.

"H-Hongjoong... I- you... we-" Yeosang stammered, struggling to get the words out and tears threatening to spill. He might seem dramatic in this moment to some, but inside he was conflicted. His heart and mind were telling him two different things that he didn't know which to listen to.

"Just- just stay away..." Hongjoong mumbled. His heart was pounding in his chest, the rhythmic sound being all he could hear in his clouded head. He rushed out of the bathroom, leaving Yeosang no choice but to follow him, in an attempt to explain himself.

-

Meanwhile, as Hongjoong left to go to the bathroom, Yunho leaned across the table and said in a low voice. "What is going on?"

"What do you mean?" San replied.

"There is so much tension on this table. Don't tell me none of you can feel it," Yunho said. "Are you and Hongjoong still not fixed?"

Mingi was about to comment on it, but realised that he had to pretend he knew nothing. Usually Yunho found out everything and then told Mingi, but this time, Yunho was the last one to find out.

"San and Hongjoong aren't even together anymore," Wooyoung said. "They broke up last week."

"Guys, can we not talk about this right now?" San mumbled quietly. He didn't want to get upset, but just hearing what Wooyoung said formed a lump in his throat.

"Clearly you aren't happy, but I don't think he's the one that dumped you," Yunho said.

"You're right." San admitted. "I broke up with him. He doesn't trust me and I don't trust him so it wasn't going to work out."

"What do you mean he doesn't trust you?" Mingi asked in surprise. "Hongjoong trusts no-one but you!"

"He wouldn't have thought I was cheating on him with Wooyoung if he did," San muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Can you not say that out loud again? It sounds weird," Wooyoung shuddered.

"Are you serious?" Mingi asked. "He thought you two..." He pointed a finger between the two best friends, then laughed.

"Shut up Mingi!" Wooyoung exclaimed, his ears going red. "The real problem is you and Hongjoong going in circles. Either make it clear that you're done or talk it out with him because it looks like he still thinks that he has a chance."

"I'm scared... because once I say its over... it'll really be over, and I just can't let him go. At least if it's like this, then it will be easier to tell him the truth when the time comes."