Memories | Sanjoong

39. The Diary

*
What do you do when a chapter ends?‬
‪Do you close the book and never read it again?‬
*

"But that doesn't sound like an ending, what if it's just another part of the conflict?"

"An ending doesn't always have to mean the end. Some books finish like that don't they? What if the ending... is a cliff-hanger?"

"An unfinished story..." Hongjoong mumbled. "You mean like an open ending!? Where the readers get to choose what happens!"

"Exactly. Mr Park mentioned that this whole thing could be a story that I have to finish. That means that there was no true ending."

"That kind of makes sense. If we imagine there was a fight in the cabin, then we could assume that the ending was abrupt and that once you figure out the whole story, you could create the true ending."

"Wow... I didn't expect this to work," San said, letting out a breath. "There's so much to take in."

"And it's not over yet. We still need to figure out who plays the main character to work out the rest of the order," Hongjoong reminded. "Can you think of any way to find out?"

San thought about what he could do to jog the memories in his mind to create new images and bring forward some new information. Suddenly an idea came to mind, and he stood up and left the room. Confused, Hongjoong ran after him and when they got out of the room, he watched San climb the ladder to the attic. Hongjoong followed and when he got up there, he saw San lighting one of the lamps.

"Did you have an idea San?" Hongjoong asked, lighting another lamp and joining him beside a pile of books.

"This," San gestured to a pile of books that were held together loosely by some rope. He untied the rope and took the first one off the pile. "These are the diaries left by Mr Park's son. Mr Park said to read through them. At first I was against the idea because the whole thing just seemed a little invasive, but maybe this can help me see a new memory."

"Is this a safe idea San?" Hongjoong questioned, remembering the few previous times he saw San in the middle of a memory fit.

"At this point, anything is worth a shot, right?" San said, carefully opening the first page.

Hongjoong held San's wrist to stop him from turning to the first entry. "I don't think-"

"Relax Joong, whatever happens to me, I'm used to it now."

"But what am I supposed to do? I'm not Wooyoung, who can help you with something like this. I don't know what to do!"

"Joong..." San took his wrist out of Hongjoong's grip and held his hand. "You have got to stop comparing yourself to Wooyoung. He's my best friend, but you... Hongjoong you're so much more than that," San said, looking down elder's hand. "It doesn't matter that Wooyoung's not here... what matter is that you are here. That's all I need." San looked up and smiled softly as he stroked Hongjoong's hand. "I know for a fact that you would never let anything hurt me, so I know that I'm safe doing this with you right by my side."

Hongjoong let out the breath he had been holding, feeling relief wash over him. "Is this a reply to what I said in the alley?" When San gave him a confused look, Hongjoong bit his lip and looked down. "When I said that I lo-"

San cleared his throat to interrupt. "O-of course not, I told you already we can't be together!"

"Why do you always have to contradict yourself Choi San?" Hongjoong chuckled, shaking his head. "If you say things like that you can't expect me not to interpret it in that way. You said I was so much more than Wooyoung... if not love, what else could that be Sannie? You say that me being here is all that you need, so why? Why do you keep pushing me away?"