Memories | Sanjoong

2. Drunk For Love

*

Every night I go down to this same little joint
Fill up my glass till I reach the point past remembering

*

The clock ticked softly, making the atmosphere seem calm and hazy. Through San's window, rays of the setting sun spilled in, bathing his room in an orange glow. San paced the room with a photograph in his hand, deeply lost in thought. He abruptly turned to face the huge bulletin board that was littered with various different notes and printed images. He drew connections with a red string from one pin to another. It looked like your average, cliché murder board, but to San, it held all of his discoveries, his secrets and his hopefully... his answer.

After every single journey of his, San would spend the following days locked in his secret room, which was connected to his bedroom only. He saw and spoke to no one, wallowing in his own thoughts as he tried to piece things together. All he wanted was to find out why he was born with memories that didn't even belong to him, but no matter how hard he tried, the answer always seemed impossible. Nothing added up and it drove the boy insane.

"San?" He heard his mother call. As much as he wanted to stay hidden away, he knew he was worrying others, so he decided to go out. He could figure things out later. "San? Honey, are you ok?"

"I'm fine," he said, opening his door, but keeping the gap as small as he could so that his mother couldn't see what was on the inside. No one ever saw what was in there and no one ever asked. They all knew that there was no point because when San wanted to keep something a secret, his lips were fully sealed.

His mother sat down on his bed and sighed. "Look dear," she started, patting the seat next to her. "I know you have your personal life and matters, but I think this freedom is going a little too far. You don't tell me anything, you disappear for days at a time and when you come back, all you do is coop yourself up in that room of yours. You can't blame me for worrying."

"I'm really fine mum..." San mumbled, avoiding eye contact. "I'm just stressed."

"If you say so..." she said, but she didn't sound so sure. "Wooyoung said that your friends were going out later. Why don't you join them?"

"I'll go."

San's mother nodded, standing up and walking to the door. She gave one last, longing look at her son, before sighing as she left the room. The door closed with a dull thud, leaving San in his loneliness. He didn't really want to go out, but he knew he should. The journey's after effects should be wearing off as they only last about two days. He should by now have returned to his normal, happy, bubbly persona, but for some reason he didn't feel like himself anymore. This last trip changed him, and he doesn't know how badly it might affect his friends and family. He had to snap out of it.

But how?

After heavy contemplation, he finally decided that going out might be the right thing to do. In an atmosphere with people, he might forget what he tries so hard to find out. He might forget the problems he doesn't need to know. He might forget the memories that he is forced to remember. It might not work, but it was worth a shot.

-

Hours later and San found himself outside his regular food joint, his friends already inside. They came here often and were well acquainted with the owner, sometimes getting discounts or free side dishes. San walked, putting on a smile as he sat down.

"Didn't think you'd actually show up," Wooyoung laughed, placing an arm around his friend's shoulder.

"Yeah San, where have you been?" Yeosang asked.