Memories | Sanjoong

40. Rebound

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Never allow loneliness drive you into the arms of someone you know you don't belong with
*

A few days ago

Yeosang and Hongjoong lay on the couch together, watching a movie in Yeosang's apartment. It was quiet and peaceful until Yeosang broke that silence.

"Did you sort out the misunderstanding with San?" He asked softly.

"Not yet," Hongjoong replied. "I don't know how to approach it."

"Don't you think you're wasting time?" Yeosang asked as he sat up and out from Hongjoong's arms.

"What do you mean?" Hongjoong sat up as well, pausing the movie.

"Hongjoong... tell me the truth. Are you sure you love San?"

"What the hell Yeosang! Of course I do!"

"Then why are you here?" Yeosang asked bitterly. "Why am I the one in your arms instead of him?"

"I just-"

"Hongjoong I know we kind of brushed it away but what you did that night... I still remember. And I hate myself everyday for it. But do you want to know what also bothers me?"

Hongjoong remained silent, shamefully looking away as Yeosang brought up his past actions.

"The way you're acting right now. It makes me feel like some rebound. Like I'm just someone you can use for comfort... just someone to use as a distraction until you manage to figure out what to do with your first choice!"

"You know that's not what this is!" Hongjoong exclaimed. "You're my friend Yeosang and we've been friends for the past three years. How can you suggest that?"

"Because actions speak louder than words Hongjoong," Yeosang said tearfully. "That night you went and got drunk because San broke up with you and then what did you do to me? You used me. You think I can't see that? You saw nothing wrong with it because in your head all you could fucking think about was San - how San 'cheated' on you so you could do the same to him by sleeping with me. Hongjoong you might not remember a single thing but I do and I've been trying not to say anything because we're friends and I want to be there for you. But you are so fucking stupid."

"Yeosang-"

"No let me finish. I told you, actions speak louder than words. They demonstrate things like commitment and dedication whereas words are just empty promises. Words hardly mean anything. And what are you doing? You came to me whenever you were sad about San, you sought physical comfort in me. And even after San told you the truth and despite you believing that he still loves you, you continue to visit me every evening. Yet when I ask you about it, you tell me that you love San and he loves you. Do you hear yourself? It's a load of bullshit!"

"Enough Yeosang!"

"See? You're getting mad at me, but you know that I'm right. Your actions are you coming to me every night and your words are that you love San despite not having the guts to go to him instead. Which one shows more commitment?"

"Don't you think that you're partly at fault here too?"

"What are you talking about?" Yeosang said outraged.

"If you know all this then why do you still let me enter your apartment? Why do you pick up the phone immediately when I call? Why haven't you reported me for rape because that's what it is, isn't it?"