timothée chalamet imagines

ghostin

timothée's pov

"It's okay." she whispers, running her fingers through my hair.

Y/n woke up to me crying, again. I know she hears me when I cry, I try to hold it in the night, while she's sleeping next to me.

I keep wanting to resent her for some reason, but it's her arms that I need around me this time.

We've been dealt many cards, our lives and relationship have been met with good and bad. It seems like the cards the world has dealt us now are pitting us against one another.

If she were anybody else, they probably wouldn't last a day dealing with me and this pain. It's like every tear I cry is a rain parade from hell.

But, God, she's done it so well.

She's been so understanding, she's been so good.
I've put her through more than one ever should.

And I don't want to make this all about me, but I'm hating myself because she doesn't want to admit that it hurts her, though it's obvious.

I know that it breaks her heart when I cry again, over her. I know that it breaks her heart when I cry again, instead of ghosting her.

A month ago I received the terrible news that my ex-girlfriend and greatest friend of all time had passed away. Just four months after we broke up.

I'll admit it, I moved on quickly. I found y/n and fell head over shoes, there was no denying that I thought she was my soulmate...at the time.

We got engaged a few weeks after dating. Yes, there was hate, but there was also love. But I didn't care what others through about me or us, I just thought I had finally found the one.

Now I know that 'the one' is laying somewhere in her grave that I refuse to visit. I just can't say it aloud, not even to myself.

"We'll get through this.." she always tells me "...we'll get past this."

I'm a man with a whole lot of baggage that I just don't think I'll ever be able to get rid of.

"Try to go back to sleep, baby." she whispers again, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

I just close my eyes, knowing that I won't be able to fall asleep. I won't let myself.

Because falling asleep means dreaming. I wish I could just sleep with nightmares even though I'm actually living one.

Though I wish she were her instead, I don't want that living in y/n's head. She just comes to visit me when I'm dreaming every now and then.

That's why I refuse to sleep now, it hurts to much to see her, to see us, in my dreams.

I've rarely left the house this past month. Y/n dragged me outside a few times to get some air and to get coffee from down the block.

I thank her for keeping me from rotting into our bedsheets. I won't go anywhere else but outside, to the coffee shop, and to the bathroom.

She'll bring meals to me, dress me like a child. The weight of sorrow holds me down from doing those simple tasks.

And after all that we've been through, there's so much to look forward to. There has to be some light at the end of this pitch black tunnel, a light that can guide us both out.

What was done and what was said will be left all here in this bed with y/n. Nothing ever leaves this bed, it's all kept between us.

I wrap my arms around her, tucking my face into her neck. I take in a deep breath, smelling the faded perfume she sprayed this morning.

"I'm sorry."

She hugs me tightly. "Don't be sorry." Her voice is thick and trembling.

"I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'll never have to know." she says.

I'm hoping we can get through this, I'm hoping we can get past this. All I can do is hope.

A/N: Did a rewrite of an imagine I posted all the way back in October 2020, maybe it was earlier than that? I don't remember :)