The things I did

2 AM

     It is currently 2 AM and you and Sarah lay awake in bed watching your comfort show, Futurama. You feel yourself begin to slip back into its state of sadness about Lizzie. You refuse to let yourself feel sorry for Lizzie and go to sleep again feeling sad, so you spring out of bed and put your AirPods in. You start playing Truth Hurts by Lizzo and dance around your room listening to the song. Sarah watches you from your bed, confused as to what you are doing.

     "(Y/N)? What are you doing?" Sarah asks as she leans up in bed.

     You can't hear Sarah over how loud the music is playing in your ear. You begin to sing the song,
"Why men great 'til they gotta be great? Don't text me, tell it straight to my face, best friend sat me down in the salon chair, shampoo press, get you out of my hair...."

     Sarah giggles to herself as she watches you dance and sing around your room. She gets up from the bed and stands in front of you, placing her hands on your shoulders to stop you from moving around.

     You take one AirPod out to pause your music as you wait for Sarah to say something.

     "Take your AirPods out and play the song on your phone" Sarah says.

     You take your other AirPod out and place them back into the case. You put the volume all the way up on your phone and resume playing Truth Hurts. Both you and Sarah begin dancing and singing around your room. 

     You both begin to sing,
"You tried to break my heart
Oh, that breaks my heart
That you thought you ever had it
No you ain't from the start."

     You and Sarah jump, sing, and dance around your room. Did Sarah know why you were doing this? No, but she was happy to be doing it with you.

     As the song ends, you can still feel that sadness lurking around the corner. You knew you couldn't stop now or else the sadness would win. You scroll through your phone and play Paradise By The Dashboard Light by Meatloaf. You watch Sarah's face light up as this was a song played at most of your family parties, especially weddings.

     You two danced around as the song began. You begin to sing,

"I remember every little thing
As if it happened only yesterday
Parking by the lake
And there was not another car in site
And I never had a girl
Looking any better than you did
And all the kids at school
They were wishing they were me that night."

     Sarah begins to laugh as she watches you get into the song, really singing along and acting out the lyrics. A smile begins to creep on your face as you feel your happiness begin to overcome the sadness.

     The two of you continue to dance around and sing along,

"Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the dashboard light
You got to do what you can
And let Mother Nature do the rest
Ain't no doubt about it
We were doubly blessed
'Cause we were barely seventeen
And we were barely."

     You dance around laughing and singing with Sarah as the two of you act out the song.

     As the song comes to an end, you plop yourself back down on to your bed trying to catch your breath. Sarah joins you on your bed, also trying to catch her breath.

     "What was that about?" Sarah says as she sits next to you.

     "I could feel myself getting sad again and I am not letting myself go to bed feeling sad anymore. So to stop that, I have to get out of bed and have a dance party" you say trying to catch your breath.

     A smile forms on Sarah's face, "I'm glad that you're not letting yourself go to sleep sad. I'm happy to be apart of that."

     A smile forms on your face as you turn to look at Sarah, "Yes, thank you for joining me. It definitely made me happier."

     The two of you lay there laughing and talking with each other while staring at the ceiling.

     "Do you miss her?" You ask Sarah while staring at the ceiling.

     Sarah turns her head to look at you, confused as to who you are talking about.

"Who?" Sarah asks.

     "Grandma" you say while keeping your attention on the ceiling.

     You feel Sarah turn her body to face yours, causing you to do the same.

     "All the time. It's been 2 months and I still can't believe she is gone" Sarah says while looking at you.

     You pause for a moment before you answer Sarah.

     "I think I'm having such a tough time with everything going on because I can't tell when I'm upset about Lizzie or if I'm upset about grandma" you say to Sarah.

     Sarah reaches over to grab your hand, "I know that it must be tough to be grieving while dealing with this whole Lizzie thing, but you're not alone."

     You let out a sigh, "I know. I just think people forget that I'm still grieving. I even told Lizzie about Grandma and I don't think she even remembers."

     "Well, you can't blame Lizzie for that. You two met after she passed and I never really mentioned Grandma to Lizzie, not even when she was sick."

"Why didn't you mention her?"

     "I don't know, I guess I saw Grandma as my hidden treasure that I wasn't willing to share with anyone. We were lucky to have a love like that, not many people will ever receive that special love. Some people get jealous of me when I tell them about Grandma."

     "I wonder what she would say if she were still here with us today."

     "You know what she would say. She would tell you it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

     You sigh at Sarah, knowing she is right. You wish your Grandma was still alive so you could tell her about Lizzie. You know she would have loved Lizzie and would have given you great advice. You know deep down your Grandma would tell you to be patient, to not give up on Lizzie, because you don't turn your back on the people you love.

     "She would have loved Lizzie" you say to Sarah as you look down at your hand that is holding Sarah's.

     "I know, which is why I don't think you should give up so soon. Take Holland and I for example, I had to wait a whole year until I could be with her. And I would do it all again if I had to."

     A smile grows on your face as you listen to Sarah, "Can you tell me your story again?"

     Sarah smiles at you as she nods her head, "When I first met Holland, I instantly fell in love. I became comfortable with her very quickly and felt I could trust her with anything. It felt like I had known her my whole life. As we got to know each other more, I could feel that my feelings for her were growing but I didn't know if she felt the same way. I would sit there and listen to her tell me about other love interest she had while I myself had a big crush on her. It wasn't easy to listen to, but I was patient and I waited for my time. A year goes by and I finally found the courage to ask her out. Now look at us, 5 years later and we have our own house together, our own dog, and practically our own daughter" Sarah says as she begins to tickle you.

     You giggle as you feel Sarah's hands approach your stomach. You quickly roll on to your back and use your hands to try and block Sarah from getting to your stomach. Sarah gets up on her knees and stands over you, trying to tickle your stomach.

     "Oka- okay okay! Sto- stop. I can- I can't- I can't breath!" You try to say as Sarah tickles you.

     Sarah backs down, allowing you to catch your breath.

     "You are the worst" you say to Sarah, still trying to catch your breath.

     "Oh please, you love me. Give Lizzie time, just like I gave Holland time. You never know what could happen."

     Sarah was right, you never know what can happen.