The things I did

Follow Your Gut

     "I'm back! I brought you some of your favorite things like" Sarah goes on to say, until she sees you laughing to yourself in bed.

     "I just-I just got stabbed to protect Lizzie and she-she just told me we can't see-see each other anymore" you say between fits of laughter.

     Sarah places the bag of food down on a chair and rushes over to the bed.

     "What do you mean she said you two can't see each other?"

     You continue to laugh, "She-she believes she's no good for me. She thinks-thinks this is all her fault."

     Sarah can't understand why you are laughing when you have just received horrible news.

     "Why is this so funny?" Sarah says as she looks at you concerned.

     "I have nothing else to do at this point but laugh. Like, this is a joke, right? I didn't just get stabbed to protect the girl I'm crazy about and have her tell me we can't see each other anymore. Like this can't be real" you say between fits of laughter.

     As the harsh reality of the situation hits you, your laughter soon changes to sobs.

     "Why is it that-that everything I do for her is never enough?" You say as tears fall from
your eyes.

     Sarah pulls a chair up next to your bed and lowers the side rail. She brings herself as close as she can get to you as she holds your hand and strokes your hair with her other hand.

     "You do more than enough, (Y/N). You are the most perfect human being and the most perfect sister anyone can ask for" Sarah says as she runs her fingers through your hair.

     You turn your head to look at Sarah, tears continue to fall down your face, "But why isn't it enough for her?"

     "Because she doesn't realize just how perfect you are for her. I can't speak for Lizzie and I don't know why she is unable to see how much you care for her. It is obvious Lizzie is going through something that only she can help herself through" Sarah says, continuing to play with your hair.

     Sarah gets up from the chair and nudges your arm, telling you to scooch over in bed. You nod your head and push yourself over to the side of the bed, allowing Sarah to squeeze in next to you. As Sarah gets comfortable in the twin size hospital bed, you lay your arm across her stomach and hug her tightly. You rest your head on her shoulder as the tears fall down your face. Sarah wraps her arm around your body, pulling you closer to her. She lays her head on top of yours as she uses her hand to play with your hair.

     For a while, neither of you say anything. She allows you to cry, letting your emotions spill out in silence. Although it pains Sarah to see you hurting, she knows there's not much she can do.

     "I did bring my laptop, we can watch Futurama on Hulu if you want" Sarah says as she keeps her head on top of yours.

     You nod your head, answering yes to Sarah. Sarah carefully raises herself up in the bed and reaches over for the bag she brought. She grabs her laptop and sets it down on her lap. As she sets the laptop down, you reposition yourself to get comfortable next to Sarah.

     Sarah opens the laptop and opens Hulu to watch Futurama. She resumes the episode you two left off on.

     You both sit there in silence watching the show, trying to take your mind off of Lizzie.

     Hours go by and you see that Sarah has fallen asleep next to you in bed. You pause the episode that you are on and close Sarah's laptop. You take the laptop off of Sarah's lap and place it on the floor next to your bed. When the laptop hits the floor, you reposition yourself again in bed, trying to get comfortable.

     You can't seem to shake Lizzie from your mind as this afternoon replays in your head. You think of all the things you should've done differently, all the things that may have prompted her to stay.

     'I should have told her the truth' you think to yourself, 'I should have told her I have feelings for her and that I want to be with her. I should have told her what Robbie asked of me. I should have told her everything.'

     A single tear falls from your eyes as you realize Lizzie is now in your past and it is too late to try and win her back. She's made up her mind, she doesn't want to see you anymore.

Or so you think.

     "May I join you out here?" Ashley asks as she opens the sliding door to the deck where Lizzie is sitting.

     Lizzie turns her head to look at Ashley as she nods her head. Ashley shuts the sliding door behind her and walks over to Lizzie, taking a seat next to her. Lizzie doesn't watch Ashley walk over to her, she keeps her eyes on the view in front of her.

     "I feel like I made a mistake today" Lizzie says as she keeps her attention ahead of her.

     "Why is that?" Ashley asks as she takes a sip from her tea.

     Lizzie let's out a sigh, "Because I really care about (Y/N), I really do."

     "Well if you feel that way then why did you tell her you wanted to stop seeing her?" Ashley asks.

     Lizzie sighs again, "Because it's what Robbie wants. Robbie wasn't comfortable with me staying friends with (Y/N) and I have to respect that. I mean, isn't marriage about making sacrifices?"

     Ashley sets her tea down on the table that separates her and Lizzie. "Yes, you should make sacrifices for the people you love but not if those sacrifices will only cause you pain."

     Lizzie lowers her head as she stares at the ground, "I feel like I really fucked up and I'm scared I fucked up big this time. I'm sure she won't come to my wedding."

     "Well, do you want (Y/N) to come to your wedding?"

     Lizzie's head springs up as she turns to look at Ashley, "Of course I do, more than anything in this world."

     Ashley smiles as she lifts her tea up from the table, "So, tell her you want her there."

     Lizzie turns her head as her focus shifts back to the view in front of her, "How do I do that after I told her I don't want to see her anymore. I keep hurting her and I'm sure she hates me at this point. Plus, that wouldn't be fair to Robbie."

"Oh, fuck Robbie" Ashley says into her mug.

     Lizzie giggles as she drops her head, "Yeah, yeah I get it. You and MK don't like Robbie."

     Ashley giggles into her mug, "Are you finally catching on?"

     Lizzie turns her head and sticks her tongue out at Ashley.

     Ashley rolls her eyes at Lizzie, "Follow your gut, Liz. Don't listen to Robbie, don't listen to me, don't listen to Mary-Kate. Listen to your gut, do what your gut tells you to do. You know yourself better than anyone else.

     A faint smile grows on Lizzie's face, "I guess you're right."

     "I'm always right" Ashley says as she takes a sip of from her mug.

     The two sit in silence for the next few minutes, taking in the starry night. That is until Ashley breaks the silence.

     "Well, I think I'm going to call it a night and head inside" Ashley says as she gets up from her chair.

     "Okay, I think I'm going to stay out here for a few more minutes" Lizzie says as she watches Ashley get up.

     Ashley walks over to Lizzie and places a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

     "Remember, follow your gut" Ashley says before heading back inside.

     Lizzie smiles, "Follow my gut" she says to herself as she keeps her attention on the view.