But I'm Straight (Phan AU)

Chapter 30

(Phil's POV)
TW: Panic attack

I heard the door open so I momentarily took of my gaming mic and headphones. I heard Mrs. Howell's voice so I just put them back on since that was not out of the ordinary since they were friends.

I heard light footsteps on the steps and a knock on my door.

"Come in!" I shouted and the door opened to find, surprisingly, Adrian.

"Hey Phil..."

"Hey, Adrian. What's up?"

"Err...nothing. I'm sorry I'll leave. It's just your mum was like Phil's upstairs and I-I don't know why I came just forget I was here."

"It's completely okay. I was bored up here anyway. Want to play?" I asked him holding out a controller to the game console.

He grinned and grabbed it, "sure."

We played to rounds of Mario...and in both rounds he kicked my butt.

"What! You have to be cheating! You're amazing!" I accused jokingly.

"No I'm not! That's what Dan always says too." His smile turned into a frown and I looked at him and he smiled but it didn't reach his eyes.

Suicides are a hard thing to get over.

"I have to pee." I announced and paused the game.

I walked down the hallway towards the bathroom but I stopped in my tracks when I heard sniffles from downstairs.

"-I don't want to turn off the life support! That's my son for heaven's sake! I pray to God he'll wake up in a week!" Mrs. Howell wailed and I knew at that moment my face drained from all it's color.

I rushed into the bathroom. I grabbed a shaving cream bottle and threw it at the wall with all my might and it broke and white stuff spilled onto the tile. I then threw my phone at the wall and the screen completely shattered. I grabbed a chunk of my hair and pulled hard at it.

When I finally calmed down and my chest wasn't moving up and down rapidly I started to bawl and I was 100% I was a blubbering mess.

Dan can't die. He just can't. If he dies, I'm going to kill myself. Just so I can see him in heaven. Oh wait, I'd never go to heaven since my kind go to hell and everyone knows that. I sat down on the closed toilet seat.

I heard running up the steps and my mom banging on the door, "Phil! Phil! Open this door! What is going on in there?!"

"Just leave me alone!" I screamed.

She grabbed the lock pick off the top of the door and jammed it into the hole. The door unlocked and she opened it.

By, now I was shaking and my breathing was erratic.

"Uh, Babe come here!" ️My mom shouted to my father who was up the stairs in seconds.

"Can you please calm Phil down? I think he's having a panic attack." Mum said trying to sound as calm as possible. Mum motioned Adrian out of the doorway because a young kid might not want to see this.

Dad's eyes grew wide and he bent down so he had to look up at me.

"Phil, you're okay. You're going to breathe with me, alright?" Dad said soothingly but all I could think about was Dan shooting up and screaming as they took him off life support.

"We're going to breathe in for five and breathe out for five."

"In, one two three four five...out, one two three four five." He exaggerated the inhales and exhales and I tried to keep up with him but failing as my heart felt like it would jolt out of my chest.