Revive [Harry Styles]

Chapter Thirty-Seven

I don't know what happend. It's like a switch of a button. I think I'm okay or fine but then the button switches. The world I looked at isn't the same no more. The smile I smile isn't real. The laugh that comes from my throat isn't loud enough. My eyes lose all light. My faces grows cold my heart aches and my soul burn. It burns from all the tears it's shed from all the cuts that still bleed from all the wounds that'll possibly never heal. I cry and cry but it doesn't solve anything. It's like I'm drowning and I'm not doing anything to stop myself from falling. But once person is and I ignore them.

"Jesse what's wrong?" He says. His eyes scan my face and I look away. You're not gonna see right through my this time.

"Nothing I'm just a little tired that's all" I say. I pick up the coffee that was put in front of me and sip it.

"Do you want me to take you home? So you could rest" Harry leans closer to me from across the table.

Everyone around us is getting louder. Like they're talking in my ear. I pull the sweater around me and stare at everyone. My eyes scan the room. It doesn't feel right. I don't feel right. I feel a hand touch my cheek and I flinch away. I look back at Harry who looks hurt by my reaction.

"Can you take me to see gramps?" He doesn't say anything just nods his head. He drops money on the table and we leave the café.

The cemetery is quite and everything is still. Nothing moves. The trees don't sway. The grass is still and feels soft under my shoes. A few birds fly over my head singing songs in the air. How I wish I was a bird. I would fly and fly till I couldn't no more. Till my wings gave out. I'd leave everything behind and fly. I tear leaves my eye just thinking about it. How easy it'll be to just leave everything behind.

"I'll wait over here" Harry walks to a bench that's not to far away. I don't say anything back.

My body hurts from an unknown source. It feels like I've been kicked in the gut repeatedly. I see a few people scattered all around. Dropping flowers or weeping. I close my eyes and focus on my destination. I see a bouquet of flowers sitting on gramps grave. It was probably left by Ms.Mish. My heart feels tight and my hands become sweaty for some reason. The lump in my throat grows and my eyes fall to the grass and dirt that divides me from my gramps.

I clear my throat as best as I can. "Hey gramps it's me again. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't think I belong in this world anymore. I feel so.. I don't know I just don't feel right. Everything feels off. Maybe it's just me or its the world but I don't want to be here. I wish I could run away and never look back. How easy that'll be. Remember when you told me that when I graduate we'll travel to any place I wanted to go to. My pick. Of course I saved up as much money as I can for it. But I guess everything fell apart didn't it?" For some reason I don't feel sad anymore at the moment. Anger takes over my senses and I'm mad at him for leaving me.

"How could you? How could you leave me when I needed you? You knew how much I needed you, you knew and you still left me. You left without even caring. I didn't know it was this bad but you knew, didn't you?" Anger raises in me at all the times the doctors said he was slowly getting better. "You told me you were okay. You told me everything was gonna be fine. But it isn't fine nothing fine you lied to me and I believe you" my fingers grip onto the grass and I tug them upwards pulling the fresh grass from the ground. My cheeks are stained with tears.

"I needed you" the words fight against my throat to get out. Holding in my sods. I put my hands to my face and rub it roughly. I don't care if I hurt myself. I don't care if I cry out in pain over this. At least I won't be crying over gramps. "I trusted you" shake my head not believing the sods that escape my lips.