Revive [Harry Styles]

Chapter Seventeen

A week has passed since Gramps death. I try hard not to think about it but the truth is I constantly think about it. I still have that lingering pain in my chest. Although I wanted nothing to do with school, Harry forced me to go. I caught up with all my work, it's the only thing that distractes me from the pain. Kind of.  Ms.Mish has been there for me letting me cry to her or just talk. 'It's good to cry' is what she tells me but it just makes me feel more empty. Harry has been really nice to me making me food that I sometimes eat staying up with me when I can't go to sleep. He's even called the furnal home for me since I couldn't.

We're not having anything big for gramps since I was his only family. Harry and Ms.Mish are going to be there with me, when they put him under ground. I don't want to go because then it's all going to feel so real. Part of me is hoping they'll call me and tell me he's okay his heart beat is just really slow. But when I see his coffin being put underground I'm going to feel like he really is gone.

Forever.

I don't want to go I don't want to deal with none of this but I have to. The furnal is tomorrow at 2. It's currently Saturday 1 am in the morning. I can't go to sleep all my thoughts are just everywhere. I don't even have enough money to keep the house. Not to mention I haven't gone to work in 3 weeks. I have money saved up but not enough.

I have nothing.

Harry isn't here. He's been staying over a lot lately and I told him to go home to his family. He still has one. Plus, I over heared his mother yell at him over the phone why he hasn't been home lately. He said he'll come over at 7 in the morning. Even though that's really early I kind of want him here. I want him here but then I want to be left alone. I don't know what I want I just feel so lost.

I constantly read over gramps letter. Over and over again. I already memorized the whole thing. Just seeing his writing on a paper makes me feel like he's not far. I go to his room when I feel lonely and talk to him. I know I sound crazy a psycho path in fact, but it gives me some kind of hope. I just want him back more then anything. I guess you already know my wish when the clock strikes 11:11.

I can't I can't go to sleep. Knowing tomorrow is the day. I have awful bag under my eyes.

I hear faint knocking and I get up quickly. Then silence.

Another knock comes and it's slightly louder this time.

I hop off the bed and wrap a blanket around my body before slowly going down the stairs. Once I reach the kitchen it's quite again.

"Jess I know your not asleep please answer the door it's freezing out here" a deep raspy voice comes through. I run to the door and unlock it.

Harrys standing there with a dark green jumper on and some black sweats. His hair is a mess and his eyes are a dull green. I move to the side to let him in. He walks in slowly and I close the door when he's fully in.

"Aren't you suppose to be home?" I question him feeling slightly irritated.

"Yeah but I couldn't sleep and I knew you weren't sleeping so I came over" he slumps over on the couch looking at me.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I want to be alone?" Anger itching in my veins.

"I know you do-"

"No you don't know Harry you don't know anything. You don't know what I'm going through you don't know how I feel and you certainly don't know what I want and don't want" my voice getting louder and louder.

"Woah relax what's wrong with you?" He gives me a confused face.

"Mm let me think what's wrong maybe that my gramps is getting buried tomorrow maybe it's because I have nothing I might be living on the street by next month and maybe it's because you're here while I want to be alone!" Now I'm full on yelling and I want to just shut up but I can't I'm so damn mad.