Revive [Harry Styles]

Chapter Twenty-Four

I wake up with a pounding head ache and an strong feeling of vomit rising from my throat. I rush to the bathroom feeling dizzy and light headed. I bend over on the toilet and throw up all the substance I consumed last light.

After I throw up I feel a little better but not so much. The cold floor feels good against my hot body. But I feel like I have to go pee so I quickly flush the toilet and pee my life away. That usually always happen when I throw up I feel like I need to pee. I prop my elbows on my knee and lay my hand on my hand. I stay like that till I finish peeing. Then I get up wipe, flush and look up at the mirror. It's still broken. I need to get a new one. I wash my hands and brush my teeth. I feel so dirty. I'm still in last night's clothes. I so don't remember coming home.

I remember getting in a fight with Harry but what about? Did he bring me home?

I go back to my room and get clean clothes. I'll take a shower then I'll eat and maybe see gramps after.

The water is hot and I strip all my clothes off. I step inside and immediately feel a sense of warth. But it doesn't take long till the pain is back. When is this ever going to get better. Never. I guess the little escape was good but not good enough to take me away. Reality is a cold misread forturn. Some people have it good they have big family meals, friends, a special someone by their side. But then theirs some other people like me who never had an opportunity of a family and when they did they got it ripped out of their grasp. Maybe I'm just never meant to be happy. I had a glimpse of it and it was the most warmest feeling ever. It warmed my soul who was so use to the cold. It felt good to be loved and I'll be lying if I said I didn't want it again. But theirs no chance for me to have a family.

It's crazy to think that I didn't want love or believed in it but yet here I am craving it. I took gramps for granted. I didn't see all the things he gave me till my heart was broken in two. Wishing he'll be back, wishing I could have that sense of home again. Now it's gone, now I cry and weep for it. I wish I could of told him soon how much he meant to me I wish I could of told him how much I'm thankful for him. But I will never feel that love again.

To let myself love? I don't think it's possiable. I don't know how to love properly. I never had real parents who loved me or even cared. Gramps was the only person but I didn't have enough time with him. Gramps taught me how to trust him and love him but to love other people thats impossible to me. Something so foreign to me yet I'm here wanting it knowing I'll never have it. The worse part is I feel to much like trash to even deserve love. No one should love me.

I shut the water off and step outside the air is thick with fog and cough. I dry my body off and change. I put a simple pair of black tights with one of gramps bug shirt on. I slip in bright red socks. Their the only clean ones I need to wash my clothes.

I throw my dirty clothes in the hamper that's over filling and go downstairs. I'll just eat cereal. I need to try and eat more. That's what Harry keeps telling me blehh. I do eat I eat here and there.

Snores why do I hear snores? Oh my gosh someone broke into the house. I grab a knife from the kitchen and make my way to the snores. My body grows tense and my breathing becomes irregular. They're on the couch.

I slowly rip the blanket of the person.

"Ahhhhhh shit" Harry falls off the couch and I hold my laugh in.

"What are you doing here you nearly gave me a heart attack" I put the knife down. His expression is pure shock and horror.

"Almost gave you a heart attack I open my eyes and the first thing I see is you holding a knife ready to kill me" he puts a hand over his heart. Now he's just exaggerating. "Are you still mad at me?" I give him a confused face and he gets up from the floor.