Revive [Harry Styles]

Chapter Twenty

It's currently 2 something in the morning and my head is spinning. Let's weigh out my opinions here: I could either stay home be depressed, alone stuck in my sadness where all the pain greets me to well, I'll probably destroy everything in this house or I could go to school, suffer from people looking at me laughing under their breaths, me hiding away in a corner. I pick neither. Yup neither let's not do anything I don't want to choose. Uhh this is so frustrating. I pull at the roots of my hair and rub my eyes.

I know one thing for sure and that's that I want gramps back.

I throw the covers off of me and run down stairs to gramps room. It's freezing in this house. I jump in gramps bed and wrap myself in a blanket. It'll get warm soon.

"Hey gramps sorry for jumping on your bed it's just really cold" I laugh a little "Gramps remember that one time it was freezing in the house and the heater broke so neither one of us wanted to get up for food but you took one for the team, soon we made a fort and put a plug in heater so the heat can stay around us we stayed up all night watching movies" I laugh remembering like if it was yesterday.

I miss those days the days where I didn't have to worry about being in this house alone feeling alone. Soon my smile becomes a straight line and my eyes begin to water.

"Gramps I miss you I don't know how many times I going to say this but I want you back god dammit please" I look up at the ceiling feeling more hatred inside of me. "Why why did you have to take him from me why! You already took my life why did you have to take away the only thing I loved!" Tears start running down my cheek and I want nothing more then for the pain to go away.

It feels like I've been kicked in the gut repeatedly and stabbed in the chest. This isn't getting any easier. I hate this.

"I'm sorry gramps" I mumble before getting off the bed and stumbling to my bathroom.

I stare at the sharp thin silver object as it's staring right back at me.

Just pick it up already.
You're a stupid excuse of living.
No one wants you.
Just die already.

Tears start burning threw my eyes and my vision becomes blurred. I grab the razor and bring it to my skin. It softly slides threw my skin like a dancer gliding across the floor. I let out a grunt of pain knowing this is what I can control. I drop the razor that's full of my red blood. My skin stained and my life ruined. I let my head fall and I cry. I wish I didn't live this life I wish I was normal.

I finally get the urge to vomit and I crawl to the toilet and puke my guts out. I finally get up and flush the toilet. I grab my toothbrush and brush my teeth. I finally get the courage to look up and I immediately hate what I see. I shake my head and bash my fist on the mirror. Glass shatters everywhere. I feel a stingy sensation on my right cheek and fist. Blood slides down my cheek and hits the edge of the sink painting it red.

Maybe I went to far this time but I can't stand this anymore. I can't stand this life anymore.

My body grows weak and my mind grows tired. I lift up my hand to see the cuts. And theirs 5 semi small cuts going aross. I then touch my face and don't feel any glass. A sigh leaves my mouth. I need a shower.

I wait til the water is hot and then get in. I try ignoring all the unanswered questions swirling through my mind. I block the voices that threaten to talk. I wash my hair and body. My cuts stopped bleeding but my soul will always be ripped, to damaged to put back together. I shut the water off and get out. I wrap a towel around me and walk to my bed room. I look over at the clock and see its 5 am already. It's still so early but I know as soon as I try to go to sleep the nightmares will return.