Warming the Ice Queen's Tears

Chapter 32.1

Chapter 32.1

“Honey, please. I’m sorry.” He pleaded as he softly knocked on the door. “I got carried away, please Rainne, open the door and let’s talk about it.” I didn’t want to talk about it. I just wanted these feelings to go away.

Kanina when he was kissing me, it felt so good and it felt heaven pero nung humigpit nag hawak niya sa kamay ko, I felt restrained and when he touched my chest, kneading one of them, I felt violated kahit alam kong hindi naman.

Hindi ko lang maiwasang makaramdam ng takot. Takot na naramdaman ko noon na para bang nanghina ako sa mga pangyayari. I couldn’t help it. Tears started falling as I cried for help once. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya, nataranta at nagulat dahil sa biglaang pagsigaw ko.

Both of us panicked. He started saying sorry but I was still panicking and scared that I pushed him, ran and locked myself in my room. Narinig ko siyang nagmura bago ako sinundan pero agad na kong nagkulong at ngayon ay pinapakalma na ang sarili habang nakaupo sa kama. Napatingin ako sa pinto nang magsalita ulit siya.

“I love you, Rainne at hindi ko sinasadyang natakot ka. Alam mo naman yun, diba? I just want us to talk.” He whispered softly, his voice still pleading.

But I didn’t want to talk. Hindi ko siya pinansin at pinunansan ang mga luha ko bago huminga ng malalim. A few minutes passed and I hadn’t heard Kristoff talk or knock again. Siguro napagod na’t pumunta sa kwarto niya. Kumuha ako ng twalya at pumasok sa banyo. Hinubad ang mga damit at si-net ang panligo.

I spent some time calming myself under a warm shower. All those panicking and being afraid were washed down to drainage. Hindi ako natapos hanggat may nararamdaman pa kong hindi maganda sa loob ko. Dumiretso ako sa room closet nang nakatapis para maghanap ng damit. Iniisip yung mga nangyari kanina lalo na ung katangahan na ginawa ko.

Shit! I was stupid to say that and he heard it all.

Ano nang gagawin ko para lang mabura yung mga sinabi ko sa isip niya. I didn’t expect that he wasn’t asleep, hearing those confessions I babbled. I confessed, Fvck! Hindi niya dapat narinig yun, e pero dahil sa katangahan ko…this is bad.

“Rainne.” Mabilis akong napalingon dahil sa gulat. Krsitoff was standing there with his sleeping attire of pajama pants and sando, his eyes showing concern and regret. Magulo ang buhok niya mukang pinasadahan ng mga daliri ng ilang beses. Napahakbang ako ng isang beses at napahawak sa asul na twalyang tanging nakabalot sa katawan ko. “I’m not gonna touch you.” itinaas niya ang kamay tanda ng pagsuko. “Gusto ko lang mag-sorry at i-check ka.”

“I’m okay. You can go.” I said in monotone. Hindi ko na tinanong kung pano siya nakapasok dahil hawak hawak niya pa ang mga kopya ng susi ng buong bahay. Tinignan muna niya ko na parang hindi siya naniniwala bago umalis. Napabuntong hininga ako bago magpalit ng pantulog pero hindi ko inaasahang madadatnan ko siyang nakaupo sa kama paglabas ko, nakayuko at inuuga ang isang binti taas baba.

“You’re still here.” I stated and he immediately met my gaze, standing up.

“Nag-aalala lang ako.”

“I told you I’m fine. N—nagulat lang ako.” I told the truth. Kailangan ko ‘yong sabihin para mapanatag and loob niya. He really looked troubled with what happened.

“That’s good but you know there’s more we need to talk about.” Napamura ako sa isip dahil sa sinabi niyang yon. He’s face was serious but there’s happiness in it. Ang akala ko makakalimutan niya yon kahit papano o kahit ipagpabukas nalang pero sa itsura niya, mukang determinado. I gulped and escape his intense gaze.

“There’s nothing to talk. I was just tired and said stupid things. Wala lang yon. Don’t think about that.”

“Alam mong hindi iyon ganun ganon lang.” Inilang hakbang niya lang pagitan namin at alam kong hindi niya bibitawan ang usaping ito. “Rainne, I know what you said. I heard it all at alam ko—naramdaman ko na hindi lang ‘yon mga walang kwentang kasinungalingan. You said you loved me.”

“Y—you heard wrong.”

Bulong ko at napatingin sa mga kamay niyang hinawakan akin. “No. My eyes were closed but my ears were wide open. Finally…after all those years and you said the words that made me feel alive and whole again at kung sa tingin mo ay kakalimutan ko ‘yon ng basta basta lang, hindi ko gagawin and there’s nothing you can do to make me forget. Nothing. It’ll forever bury in my heart.” He lifted my chin with his fingers and met his eyes. “There’s no need to deny, Rainne. You love me at parte lang yan ng katotohanang sinabi mo.” Hinawi ko ang mga kamay niya at tinalikuran siya.

“No. I didn’t happen. It.did.not.happen.” Pilit ko siyang kinukumbinse pero mukang ang sarili ko dapat gawin yun. Hinawakan ko ang noo ko, iniisip kung anong dapat gawin o kung pano siya makukumbinsi pero nasira ang ginagawa ko nang niyaka niya ko sa bewang mula sa likod.

“It did. Stop lying to yourself.” He huskily said while planting small kisses on my shoulders. “You said you love me. I heard it. Now…” Hinawi niya ang buhok ko papunta sa kabila at ibinaling kanyang mga halik sa leeg ko. “…prepare to feel how much I love you.”

“Kristoff, I…” iniharap niya ko at mabilis na sinakop ang aking mga labi. It wasn’t rushed, hard or intense. It was slow, careful and sweet. With just my upper lip caught between his, I could feel the love and care from him. Iniangat niya ko at ipnulupot ko ang mga binti ko sa kanya nang maramdam ko ang lamig ng pinto ng closet sa likod ko. Humalik siya sa pisngi bago bumaba ang mga labi sa leeg ko.

 “Ang bango…” I could feel his warm breath on my neck as he breathed hard to take in my scent and I gladly offered my neck. “You smell good enough to eat. Fvck.” I could feel his muscle tensed while he continuously getting a whiff of me.

Nakaulupot ang isa niyang braso habang ang isa ay nakatukod sa pinto. Ramdam ko ang pagpipigil niya sa ginagawa. Tinatansya ang reaksyon at galaw ko at natatakot na baka mangyari ulit ang kanina. Napakabutin niyang tao na kahit nilalamon na siya ng pagnanasa ay nagagawa niya pang isipin ang mararamdaman ko. I wanted to pull him out of his misery and did what my instincts told me.

I cupped his face. I could clearly see the lust and love reflecting in his eyes before initiating and giving him a kiss that reflected his feelings.

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Next chapter is on private.