Warming the Ice Queen's Tears

Chapter 29.1

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Chapter 29.1

I woke up early in the morning since and I couldn’t get any good sleep last night. Who would if the woman you love spent a night with some guy. Pinilit ko ang sariling bumangon at nakitang alas-sais na ng umaga base sa wall clock.

Alam kong hindi umuwi ng bahay kagabi si Rainne dahil alas-tres ng madaling araw na ko nakatulog kakahintay. Tinanong muna namin ung guard kagabi bago kami dumiretso sa condo ni Azel. Ang sabi niya, hindi pa daw dumarating ito pero pumunta parin kami sa unit niya.

We knocked and knocked but still no answer. Pumasok sa isip ko na sinadya niyang ‘wag buksan ang pinto dahil nga baka may ginagawa na sila and that really pains me at kung wala lang si Maureen para pigilan ako, I  might’ve broken the door down.

Tahimik lang ako sa buong byahe nang inihatid ko si Maureen. She was the one doing the talk and I just nodded on all of her questions. She was talking about her parents’ arrival but my mind never got the details. Hanggang sa makauwi ako hinintay ko si Rainne pero hindi siya umuwi.

I stood up and decided to take a long shower thinking that maybe, this is all I need to think things thoroughly and it some point, it worked.

Naisip ko na wala naman akong karapatan kay Rainne at sa mga bata. We have no label on this relationship.  No courtship, I’m not her boyfriend, she’s not my girlfriend and I’m not the father of her kids. Fvck buddy! Yes, I’m only that to her.

I decided that I’m just going to be here until she tells me to stop and to go away. Pakiramdam ko kasi, masyado nakong nakikialam sa kanya at sa mga bata. I can go away but I will always love them even if were miles apart.

Iniisip ko rin kung bakit ko ba pinapahirapan ang sarili ko. Pwede akong lumayo dahil sa pagkakataong ito, nasasaktan na ko ng higit pa noon. Pero humahawak parin ako sa katiting na pag-asang pwede akong tanggapin ni Rainne ng buong buo. Na mawawala rin ang sakit na nararamdaman ko at sa huli, pwede parin kaming magsama dahil sa pareho naming mahal ang isa’t isa.  

Hindi ko inaasahan na paglabas ko ay makikita ko siyang palabas din sa kwarto niya. Magkatabi lang kasi ang kwarto namin. Tinitigan ko lang siya diretso sa mata. Those grey eyes that held nothing but cold and dullness but after all these years of being with her, I know that behind her eyes were sadness and pain. I wanted to comfort her but I need to set boundaries.

I saw a hint of confusion in her eyes and I immediately posted a smile that didn’t meet my eyes. It’s Sunday so she’s just wearing a simple knee-length dress.

“Good Morning!” I said forcing my voice to sound happy. She narrowed her eyes on me and started to walk first.

I was following her just looking at her back and the questions bugging in my head came back.

Where did she sleep last night? Was she with Azel? Did they do it?

I shook my head to push those thoughts away.

It’s none of your business.

Yes, it’s not.

Bumalik ako sa reyalidad ng marinig ang boses ng mga bata. Nakatayo sila malapit sa hapagkainan at inihahanda na rin ng dalawang katulong ang agahan. Napangiti ako ng makitang seryoso ung kambal na nag-uusap at mukang may pinagtatalunan sila while still wearing their pajamas.

“But you did that yesterday. Now it’s my turn.” Nakangusong sabi ni Nine at napakunot naman ng noo si Seven.

“No I didn’t. Nung isang kahapon yon.”