You Only Want Me When I'm Taken

Chapter 58

  I made my way to the front door, trying my best not to fall down in my high heels. It was the first time I’d dressed up like this in months. After a whole afternoon of ugly crying my car, I was all worn out, and now I had to be around Harry and his fiancée which just made things just ten times worse. I rang the doorbell to Liam and Danielle’s house nervously. Why did I even agree to be friends with him again? So I could pretend that it didn’t bother me when they kissed and hugged in front of me? So I could attend his wedding (which Madison formally invited me to and handed me the invitation herself) and watch the one person I’d ever loved exchange vows with her?

  “Emily!” Niall beamed as he opened up the door, pulling me in for a hug “How are you?”

  “I’m great” I said, stepping in.

  “We’re all in the living room” he said, taking me by the hand “Come on” I stepped into the living room to find them all sitting there; Zayn, Louis and Eleanor, Liam and Danielle, Andy, Maz, Josh, a couple of people I didn’t know, and Harry with Madison in his lap. Here we go. My eyes immediately darted away when my eyes locked with Harry’s. I did my best to hold myself from having a breakdown right there in the living room. I greeted them all with hugs and kisses, until I stood in front of Harry not knowing exactly what to do.

  “Hi” he said awkwardly as he stood up, his hand still latched with Madison’s.

  “Hey” I said lamely. There were another few seconds of utter awkwardness before we hugged awkwardly and distantly, like we didn’t want to get too close to each other. I just patted his back and pulled away quickly. Madison then engulfed me into a huge hug.

  “Hi, lovely!” she beamed, smiling widely “How are you?”

  “I’m great” I told her. She immediately started conversing with me about absolutely nothing. I just nodded and smiled, looking around for Zayn when I spotted him near the huge fern “I’m, uh, going to go talk to Zayn if you don’t mind”

  “No, of course not; go ahead” she said with a bubbly tone. I looked at Harry, who was silent the whole time, who gave me a vague look before I turned around on my heel and made my way towards Zayn.

  “Hey” he said smiling as he saw me approaching “When did you get here?”

  “I broke up with Caleb” I immediately said, grabbing the nearest glass of champagne and gulping it down.

  “What?” he asked “How?”

  “I don’t know” I told him. I could hear my voice breaking which always meant that I was about to cry. I held back the tears deciding that I wasn’t going to do this in front of twenty five people, including Harry “I just…I told him some awful things and…I don’t know Zayn.  Everything is just so fucked up”

  “Come here” he said, engulfing me into a tight hug. Zayn didn’t know that I still loved Harry. Well, he did know because he knew everything about me even if I hadn’t said it out loud.

  “I’m sorry” I said pulling away, wiping the small drop of tears from my eyes “This isn’t the time or place for this”

  “How about you come sleep over at my house tonight?” he offered with a sweet smile “We’ll rent a movie and eat junk food until we die”

  “So you’re practically offering to be my best girlfriend for a night?” I laughed.

  “Hey, someone has to do it” he smiled, rubbing my back supportively “Come on, I bet the guys and I can cheer you up in no time” he grabbed my hand and led me towards Niall and Louis at the dining table. My eyes caught Harry’s as we walked. His brows were knitted together, and his lips were pressed tightly against each other. Wait…was Harry actually jealous? Of ZAYN? Harry was always a bit jealous when it came to me and Zayn’s friendship back when we were together, but I had no idea that he still was. Did this mean that he still cared? I felt a flicker of hope light within me. No, I can’t think like this. He was getting married. I can’t think like this.

  “Alright everyone” we heard Liam say loudly with a glass of champagne in one hand and another around Danielle’s waist “We both have some lovely news to tell you” he said smiling wider than ever and looking down lovingly at Danielle “and we wanted you guys to be the first to know. We’re getting married” The room erupted into cheers immediately. I couldn’t help but smile like an idiot as well.

  “Oh my God” I said, laughing happily for them.

  “I know” Zayn laughed, putting one arm around me “Come on” We both rushed towards them, hugging and congratulating them.

  “It’s about time you two got engaged” I told them. They both laughed, holding each other closely. Eventually, everyone was huddled up in a huge circle around them. I held on to my cup of champagne tightly, pressing my lips together. I was beyond happy for Danielle and Liam, I really was, but I didn’t feel right in place here like I used to. I know that this sounds bratty and immature, but it was true. I watched as Harry had his arm around Madison’s waist, holding her close as they laughed together with Liam.

  I turned around, trying to distract myself with something else, but Madison’s voice kept ringing in my head “Oh my God, you guys! This is amazing!” “Now we have two engaged members of One Direction” “We’ll plan our weddings together, Dani!”

  I couldn’t take it anymore. I really couldn’t. I placed my cup down a bit too aggressively, making my way to the back door. I needed some air. I walked furiously when I felt a grip on my arm. I turned around to find Harry standing there with a concerned look on his face. Great; just what I needed right now.

  “Hey” he whispered moving closer to me “Is everything okay?” I opened my mouth to answer, but the words just wouldn’t come out. He stood there waiting for some sort of answer, but I couldn’t muster up the courage to say anything without worrying about saying something wrong.

  “I just need some air” I finally managed to squeak, breaking free from his grip and bursting out the door, shutting it behind me. As soon as I was alone, I couldn’t help but break down in tears. I leaned my elbow against the back porch’s railing, burying my face into my hands. Everything was just so messed up, and I felt so alone all the time but I would never ever admit it to someone. I hated showing anyone any sign of weakness. I’d lost Jasmine, Harry, my Mum, Caleb, Amanda, everyone.

  I jumped up startled when I felt a large hand on my shoulder. I knew exactly who it was just by the affection of his touch, even if it was as light as a feather. I quickly wiped my tears away and turned around to face Harry.

  “Emily” he said tenderly, placing a hand on my shoulder.

  “I’m fine” I snapped “I just want to be alone” I didn’t want him to see me like this. He couldn’t know. He couldn’t know about anything.

  “You’re not fine” he said sternly and almost angrily, pulling me closer to him “And it’s okay not to be fine.  It’s okay to need someone once in a while.” I looked up into his emerald green eyes that were filled with frustration and desperation. There was something else in his eyes, but I couldn’t really tell what it was. I wanted to walk away. I wanted to insist that I was fine and go back and join the others again like nothing ever happened, but instead I just crashed into Harry’s arms bawling my eyes out. It didn’t occur to me how pathetic I looked, or that his fiancée was in that house, it just felt right; being in his arms felt right.

  He rubbed my shaking back as I whimpered silently on his chest. His arms enveloped my small figure making me feel as if I could lose myself in him “I’m here” he whispered comfortingly “I’m always here”

  After I was done with my ugly crying, I looked up at him with such hope yet despair. He held my face in his hands and wiped my tears away with his thumbs, slowly mending everything. The corner of his lips slowly tilted upwards, forming a half grin which was comforting. A mix of emotions flooded through me; remorse, happiness, comfort, guilt, everything.

  “Harry” I started, my voice still pitchy from the crying. I opened my mouth to say something, and I could see a little light flicker in his eyes; hope? I didn’t know what it was and I didn’t care, I wanted to tell him right then and right there.