You Only Want Me When I'm Taken

Chapter 59

“Harry” I started, my voice still pitchy from the crying. I opened my mouth to say something, and I could see a little light flicker in his eyes; hope? I didn’t know what it was and I didn’t care, I wanted to tell him right then and right there “I…I uh…” I started, not exactly knowing how to finish my sentence. His eyes were fixed on mine, waiting for me to say something. Just tell him, Emily. No, don’t, you’ll ruin everything. Oh shut up, you had Harry first. No, stop acting immature, he’s getting married in almost a week. No, just say it. Say it. Don’t. Say it. Don’t. Say it! I hushed up the internal argument I was having with myself and snapped back to reality. I’ll just blurt it out really fast “Harry, I—” but before I could finish a fraction of my sentence, the back door flung open and there stood a flabbergasted Niall not knowing what to say or do.

  Harry and I immediately pulled away from each other, not wanting Niall to get the wrong idea about what was going on. It was pretty obvious on his face that he knew that he interrupted something.

  “Um, Danielle sent me to tell you guys that dessert is ready if you want some” he said quickly and nervously, his eyes darting back and forth from me to Harry, making me all the more nervous. He turned away to leave when he came back “Oh and Harry, Madison’s looking for you. She told me to tell you to pick up the wedding invites tomorrow” Niall said with remorse in his voice, like he knew something was about to happen but cued us back into reality. Madison. Harry. Marriage. It was all still so surreal.

  Niall left awkwardly, shutting the door behind him, leaving Harry and I there just staring aimlessly at each other with a loss of words.

  “I think—”

  “What did yo—” we both said at the same time. The tension in the air was massive. It was like you could cut it in half with a knife. His mouth hung open as he stuttered and I did the same.

  “We should just go back inside” I finally said, cutting everything short.

  “Right” he said, almost with disappointment. I quickly rushed towards the door, making my way back into the house. What was I thinking back there? ‘Just blurting it out’? That was completely irrational of me. I promised myself I wouldn’t ruin this for Harry. He loved Madison…why else would he be marrying her?

  I watched as she rushed towards him, planting a huge kiss on his lips and intertwining her hand with his, squealing something in his ear. He just smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, walking away with her. I gulped my throat with jealousy. Harry was hers now. Hers…not mine. The thought of it made me want to jump off a cliff, but then again I did bring this upon myself when I left him in the first place. I felt my fist clenching as I walked away in the other direction trying to distract myself so that I wouldn’t have another breakdown in front of everyone.

  I couldn’t help but feel insecure. I was with Harry for over two years, and Madison managed to get engaged to him in a matter of two months?

*

  The days crawled by slowly, and every day, Harry’s wedding got nearer and nearer. Jasmine and I still weren’t talking despite her many attempts of trying to fix things. Nothing could fix what she’d done. I spent most of my time in my studio (which has practically become my home now), at Zayn’s, or at the building’s rooftop. The building was 15 stories high so it was a nice and calm place to just sit and think in peace.

  As for the letters, every day I get more and more tempted to open them and take a glimpse of what’s inside, but I’m afraid if I do, I’ll go running back to Harry. Then what would happen? He’d reject me. He’ll let me down gently then things would become awkward. As if they weren’t already awkward.