The Ga on call room

Merediths POV:

As the group, minus George and Cristina, all clambered out of the cab that Joe made them take, Meredith took a good look at the house she once called home, the house that deep in her heart she still called home. As the others decided to turn in for the night, Meredith retired to her old room and let a sense of wistfulness wash over her.

She couldn't help but feel some regret over the fun times, the sad times and the wonderful times, that she would have missed out on in this house over the last few years. There were many times where she felt homesick and wanted to jump on the next plane to Seattle. However, as the weeks in London went on, then the moths and eventually the years, she knew that she wouldn't swap her time there for anything. Those years were something she liked to recall as, "The Meredith Grey Years." It would sound cliché to anyone that listened, but the time alone really gave Meredith the chance to put things into perspective and to lay to rest, as best as she could, the demons that restrained her from moving forward.

It had not been an easy journey, but after the first year or so in London, and working at St. Mary's, Meredith slowly began to feel whole again. It was the time spent concentrating on her career without having to worry about her latest 'Dreamy Drama', compounded by forming new friendships that help Meredith work through her issues, in the way she always needed too; alone. She went on a few dates here and there but it was time spent by herself that she relished. Her friendship with Jessie was a god send, but it made her miss Izzie and Cristina just that little bit more.

Meredith soon came to the conclusion that she would probably never be all whole, because after everything that she had been through, such a hope would be near impossible to achieve, and she was okay with that. Just because there was some part of her that would always be empty, didn't mean she would have spend the rest of her life refusing to fill the other spaces in her heart.

Meredith slowly retreated from her position on her old bed and made her way to the various suitcases by the door, searching for something that she would be able to sleep comfortably in, and the first item she came across was her old Dartmouth t-shirt...

That ratty little Dartmouth t-shirt you look so good in

Derek. Derek Shepherd. Everything always came back to that man. No matter how hard she tried, it was like they were magnets. She wasn't trying to make Derek feel better when she told him that she would never again share with someone the passion and love that they had during their time together. She was completely fine with the fact that she would never love like that again, because once had been more than enough for her. She would be able to look back in forty years from now, and tell her grandkids, that a love like that did exist and she had been so fortunate to be a part of it. She would never regret that part of her and Derek. She would regret the betrayal, lack of trust, the hurt and the anger, but she would never regret the love.

It had taken a while, but over the last couple of years, Meredith slowly began to live her life, without Derek. She had to for her own sanity. When she left, all she took with her was the notion that Derek was going to build a life with Rose. His actions had convinced her of that, so in her mind she had to move on and she did. One and a half years of being in London and she literally bumped into Lachlan, Lachlan Jackson.

She was reluctant to get serious at first, but who could blame her? After all, her previous relationships with co-workers had hardly been a success. Meredith was so used to being the topic of hospital discussion at Seattle Grace, that she savored her under the radar status at St. Mary's. After numerous lunch dates at the hospital, Lachlan finally persuaded her to meet with him outside of the hospital, and from the moment that she did, Meredith hadn't looked back.

They weren't the perfect couple, but they were happy, most importantly they were healthy. It was not a conditional love, there were no ultimatums, and when they expressed their feelings, all that was said, was a "I love you', there was no deal breaker at the end of it. They loved because they loved and for no other reason. Lachlan didn't love Meredith for who she could become, but loved her for what she already was. For the first time in her life, Meredith had been able to enjoy being with another man and knowing that he was hers and hers alone. She didn't have to worry about wives, or girls in bars or nurses, it was comfortable, reliable and magnificent.

Meredith suddenly laughed out loud as she remembered one of her and Lachlan's fights that took place about a year into their relationship. She even enjoyed fighting with him......

Lachlan and Meredith were sitting on the couch after a long day at the hospital, only half-heartedly watching the television, for they were discussing the recent drama that was plaguing Jessie and her boyfriend, Dave.

"I can't believe that she kicked him out of their house at three o'clock in the morning. Where the hell did she expect the poor bastard to go?" Lachlan asked, astounded at Jessie's actions

"I really don't think she cared where he went, Lache, he was an ass for showing up at her sister's house late and to make matters worse, already half drunk. Jess just probably thought he go back to the bar."

"It was 3am Mer! No bar would be open, Dave probably would have freezed his ass off outside."

"Yeah, well he should have thought about that before he decided to make his drunken entrance. He was a jerk and paid the consequences." Meredith reasoned, firmly.

"Christ, I'm so glad that I've never done anything to you yet that warrants some form of punishment. The only punishment I like is the fun kind." Lachlan winked

Meredith smacked his chest and giggled, "Don't worry, I have no plans of chucking you out at three in the morning or any time for that matter. We'd have to talk about things first."

"Good, 'cause even if you asked me too, I wouldn't even go." Lachlan relied.

"Excuse me?" Meredith sat up suddenly and turned to Lache, "So you're saying that if I told you to do something, you would just completely disregard my feelings?"

"What the hell Mer" Lachlan asked, dumbfounded by her sudden change in mood. "I was just agreeing with you that I wouldn't just walk out, we would try to reason, that's all."

"Sure, but if we couldn't compromise and I was getting sick of you, and asked you to leave for a little bit, then you better listen to me."

"What! Why would I have to leave? What about you?" Lachlan couldn't believe that they were having this argument. His head was spinning. What were they fighting about?

"I wouldn't leave because I'm the woman. It wouldn't be right of you to let me freeze my ass off."

"Holy shit! Is it that time of the month Mer? What the fuck caused you to suddenly turn into some demon woman. Do you even remember what we're arguing about." Lachlan seriously thought he had lost his mind. Literally one minute ago they were joking around and now they were arguing.

"That time of the month!! Oh...Oh...you have some nerve Lachlan Jackson." Meredith told him.

"I have some nerve? You're the one who went crazy all of a sudden

"What are we even screaming about?" Meredith asked, after she came down from her temporary moment of insanity

"I have no idea."

"Me neither. At least I didn't threaten to kick you out."

"I think you just answered your own question Mer." Lachlan muttered.

"Sorry about that. I guess I just had a wave of girl power."

"Just don't do it again. Or if you feel like doing it, give me some kind of warning."
Lachlan just shook his head in amazement at the woman in front of him and kissed her, because he really couldn't think of anything else at that moment.

As Meredith brought herself out of memory lane and pulled the covers of her old bed back, she suddenly felt guilty for remembering her feelings for Derek, when she had Lachlan, loving her all the way at their small apartment in London. Even when she and Lachlan were fighting there was still that adoration for each other, no matter how big, small or in the aforementioned case, ridiculous the fight was. Sure, her and Lache had been going through some troubles recently, but what couple didn't? Just because Derek Shepherd was in her life again did not mean that she would give him the chance to worm his way back into her heart.

With that thought, Meredith turned off the bedside lamp and attempted to get some sleep.

However, there was a little voice inside her head that told her that Derek didn't even have to try and worm his way back into her heart, because he really hadn't left.