Dear X,
Today we were on a field trip sorta thing and somehow the preps started talking about cutting. "I don't know how people can cut themselves, honestly it terrifies me." That's what Ally said. She's one of the nicer preps. She wears shorts or sweats and a T-shirt most of the time, but you can tell they weren't cheap. I know Alex was looking at me when she said that. I just pulled down my sleeves and covered my stomach. I just realized how many years I've been cutting and how long I've been depressed. No wonder I think the way I do.
I walked into a different classroom with Luke and saw Tate and Ryan. I noticed Ryan first because he said my name and I looked over to him. I started to say 'hello' but my eyes landed on Tate. I could hear myself stutter and freeze up, however, I could also feel my my mouth open slightly and my lips slightly turn up as Tate smiled when our eyes locked. Finally, I felt my eyes look down and the happiness faded as I remembered that he's not mine and he left me. I felt so fucking stupid after and ended up slapping myself. Recently whenever I've done stupid things, which is a lot, I get mad at myself more than anyone and end up cursing at myself or punching my skin as hard as possible. God. I really fucking hate myself.
-Casely
