Dear X,
I talked to this boy in my grade today, and I learned some things I didn't want to know. He asked me if I was a virgin and I said no, out of fear that the rumors would start again. For some reason he started making fun of me for not having lost it yet. I asked him if he had already had sex and his reply was 'of course I have. I was 12 years old.' He seemed to brag about it, said it with pride. I asked him how old the girl was and he said that she was just older. Most experienced. I asked him how old the girl was again. He said that it was better that she was older, otherwise he wouldn't have learned as much. I asked him how old the girl was. 'She wasn't even that old, she was just old enough to know what she was doing.' For a final time I asked him how old she was. He looked straight ahead and mumbled, '34.' I asked him who it was, if they were close, and tears welled up in his eyes as he whispered the words. 'My mom.' He couldn't control the sobs and I couldn't (or is it wouldn't?) do anything to console him. He realized what he was doing and stopped himself. Wiped his tears, sat up straight. 'Don't worry Case, I'm fine. I'm okay, I'm a man. She didn't hurt me because I'm a man. I'm a man, so it's okay. I'm a man. I promise.' After that he got up and left me there.
I feel bad for not doing anything, but I'm not good at consoling people. Hell, I'm not good at being consoled. I just have to deal with the pain on my own and get mad. That's easiest. Don't tell anyone and they won't know you're weak, therefore they won't try to burn you down. People are weaknesses. Once you get attached to them and you care too much they're easily used against you. Such simple, fragile creatures. How quickly we collapse. Yet we cause mass destruction wherever we go. I pity humans.
-Casely
