Dear X,
I found a pack of cigarettes at my sister's house the last time I went there and she said I could have them. I decided to save them, only use them every once in awhile. I smoked the whole pack yesterday. I was just...too stressed I guess. It makes things easier, feeling the nicotine flow through you. I've been starting to teach myself tricks with the smoke. I told you I'd stop, but it's been hard since you left. I haven't really told any of my friends about you, just the one who judged me. Before that, no one had even heard of you.
I really don't want to tell people who you are. It would ruin everything. You're special. It's like that one song or movie or whatever that you and an old friend would always listen to/watch. And you don't watch the movie with or even tell other people about it. It's special. Just for you two. Other people don't get it, it's like an inside joke. No one else understands and that's okay because that's how it's supposed to be. I wish you were here. I just need a hug, but the ones from Madi never seem to be long enough (even though I'm sure they are) and no one seems to care enough at all.
I wasn't having a good day today. Parker could tell, he hugged me this morning without me asking. The same thing happened after lunch. He made me smile when he talked to me. He's really nice to me. But again, Madi wants to kill him and I want to make Madi happy-you have no idea how much I want her to be happy-so somehow I always end up hating him when we talk about him. Then I see him and realize that he's my sorta friend. Not really, but he's helped me a lot.
-Casely
