Dear X,
I was messing around with my friends and I was playing with Daniel's stomach. It made Alex jealous and I felt bad, but I really like his tummy. He said that he could maybe stay the night in the summer, his mom will probably let him. Alex isn't okay with this. Before Alex came these three girls were with me and Ryan. We were singing this funny song and one girl was practically being a stripper on the table. But it's okay, because I was laughing and Ryan was singing while the girl danced. I felt invincible. Tithe happiness didn't last. It never does. Eventually I came down from that high and was back to normal. I didn't show it, but I felt shitty and tired. At lunch I had a cookie and I felt nauseous. I'm sorry for not keeping it down. Another promise to you that was broke.
This morning Parker hugged me and said, 'Today I'm going to make you happy, because you're never happy.' I wish he wouldn't have said it so loud. He did help me in the end though. I'm not sure how it worked. He didn't really talk to me after that, just smiled when he saw me. He's a good friend. Speaking of good friends, I talked to Ella about Madi and asked her what to do. She said I should tell her why I'm taking a break from her since she deserves to know-which she does, I assure you she does-but I'm not ready for her to know. I did tell her that I needed some time from her and she didn't get mad. She was okay. I promised to tell her eventually, which I will , but like I said, not now. I'm just glad Madi understands. She's so fucking great.
Tomorrow is April 1st and I'm not really in the mood for people giving me a panic attack with jump scares, ladybugs, shoving me into large crowds, and pretending they don't know me. I want to stay home. This asshole is always trying to scare me and I have spent 3 months at school in a constant fear of being horrified and freaking out in the middle of the hallway with so many people. I don't know how you could handle crowds, X. You were always so good at things like this. People love(d) you. Everyone wanted to be you, but you were humble about it and didn't think much of yourself. No wonder my parents like you better.
-Casely
