Dear X,
Do you remember when we stayed up all night talking about the people who mean the most to us, and we didn't know what we'd do without them? I do. The reason I'm bringing this up is because Tate left. It's been 53 days since, and not one has gone by where I didn't miss him.
I'm not mad at him, nor do I hate him. We both know that I could never do that. It just makes me sad that he will move on from me not knowing the truth on why I blew up on him and what happened with Finnell. When I told him he made me go back to my old self, he didn't know what I meant and I didn't know what he meant. All this time when he said that he was talking about all the scars on my stomach and my thighs. I meant going back to the self where my happiness depended on another person and having that person leave me in pieces. That's what happened with Owen, who left in September 2013. It wasn't until February that I started becoming happy again. That's 6 months. I can't do this again.
I never intended for him to know that some of the scars were from him, but if I denied it that would be lying and I promised myself I'd stop doing that to him. It's not as if it was a lot, there were only 3 times when it was because of him. I called him a liar that night. I shouldn't have done that.
Nobody else could get me to admit this even though they all probably know this already, but fuck, X. I miss Tate.
You remember Finnell, right? I told you about how he was at my sister's house. My friends (Tate, Daniel, Alex, and Johnny) all think that he was the one who took my virginity. You're the only one who knows it wasn't with a guy. I promised I'd tell you about her eventually, maybe I'll do that next time. Thinking about her just hurts, okay? I'm glad I don't talk to her anymore.
-Casely
