Dear X,
Two days ago I gave up. After 1 month and 2 days I finally broke apart. I don't know why I did it. I want to stop, I do. But there's no hope for me; I know this. I'm a lost cause, I'm not worth it. I told Tate about it in the hopes of him making me feel better but he did the opposite. He thought I was lying to trick him into hating me. Sure, tricking him is something I would do but that's just for shits and giggles. I have never nor will I ever lie about cutting (unless I'm telling someone I don't), it's just wrong. Honestly, you have no idea how much that pisses me off, the fact that he would assume, even think that I'd fake that. I am not that type of person and I refuse to ever be. You should never lie about that, it's common sense. He asked me if he could cut because I did. Abso-fucking-lutely not.
I wish that no one cared about me. At times I feel like they don't but I'm sure they do. My friends are the only thing stopping me from killing myself. Slowly they've become less and less influential on my will to live, everything's been falling apart as of late. Maybe I need another break from them...a little time without them would be nice. I've only done this twice before but it worked. Not talking to people can really free your mind. You become less stressed, less worries, etc. When I did it before everyone got mad at me and I felt bad. What was I supposed to say? 'I feel like total shit so I'm not going to talk to you for a week just so I can relieve stress and feel better. Don't worry though, I'm perfectly fine.' Don't think so. Still, it's selfish of me to do this. Not caring about my friends when I need them. Classic Casely. A stone cold heartless bitch. It was a mistake to come back.
-Casely
