Dear X,
You know, this morning I woke up and the first thing I did was tie a noose around my neck and tried to hang myself. Obviously it didn't work, but that's just a preview on how I thought the day was going to go. I worried that Madi didn't even notice I was gone, I feared that Ella would be in one of her moods and Kayla wouldn't be able to get her out of it, I assumed three of my favorite teachers were going to be mad me, another is just making my entire life shit, period. Turns out most of it was for nothing. Ella was happy and so was Kayla, my three teachers treated me the same, and the last one was pretty nice to me today. I was relieved when all this happened, I had spent all weekend just freaking out and nothing happened. I was sorta upset when Madi didn't realize that I hadn't seen her since Tuesday. 'It's been five days!' I told her, but she didn't care. Maybe it's because she wasn't feeling the greatest. I'm sure that's it. She couldn't have been ignoring me on purpose, right? It's all just in my head. Even though she held my hand all through 5th period, I still felt dejected when she didn't talk to me all morning.
Madi is texting me now. She's having a breakdown and I don't know what to do or to say and I feel bad. I think she might've started cutting again, I'm not sure but I hope not. She keeps saying how she wants to forget everyone and everything. I don't think she knows, in fact I think you're the only one who knows, but my biggest fear is being ignored by the people I love until it gets to the point that they forget me. I asked Parker if he talked to her to see if he had anything to do with it, but it didn't seem likely. In the end I just wasted his time. I hadn't had anything to eat since Saturday (if you don't count a tootsie roll Jack gave me in 4th period), so I got myself an ice cream sandwich for lunch. Tate grabbed it before I even sat down. He didn't intend to keep it, but when he asked if he could have it I couldn't say no. I'll just have something tomorrow. I know I've told you that before and I didn't have something the next day, but it's hard, okay? I don't like eating, but I can't let my friends know that.
-Casely
